I, for one, appreciate the delicate humor of the above first-time poster: our collective anxiety simply invites the pranks.
Anyhow, I think that the decision will be posted under the "Admission Application Status" - as there is the explicit statement: "Available links will vary based on application".
One thing I don't get: is this whole process of Wolverine Account setting a new procedure? Did earlier rounds get the same e-mail and instructions - before the calls?
Also, as someone asked before - everyone gets this e-mail, or did we finally succeed in finding some obscure meta-pattern the adcom tried to conceal?