The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Sinc

Question

Hey guys,

I know that reading essays can be sometime really borring. So I'd like to bring my contribution to the forum, in this way newbies like me would be able to improve their AWA.
I'm not saying that this essay is perfect, actually it is not, my english is clearly rusty and arguments are not very convincing. Nevertheless, I bought the offical AWA tool on GMAC website in order to see if I was doing good or wrong. According to the software that evaluated my essay, I would have got a 6. So maybe it will help some people who have troubles with the AWA.

SUBJECT: "The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Since coffee is an expensive food item, and since there are already many established brands of coffee, the best way to gain customers for the Excelsior brand is to do what Superior, the leading coffee company, did when it introduced the newest brand in its line of coffees: conduct a temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, price reductions, and discount coupons for the new brand."

ESSAY (about 640 words) :

The argument claims that The Excelsior Company will introduce a new brand of coffee on market. As the coffee market is expensive and very competitive, Excelsior had to adopt a similar marketing strategy like a leading competitor. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions, for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and incomplete.

First, the beginning of the passage assumes that in order to experience a great success with its new brand of coffee. Excelsior has to copy the marketing strategy of an important competitor. This statement is a stretch as it does not provide any information about Excelsior's situation on the coffee market. Moreover, the author does not explain why such strategy would be effective in the case of Excelsior. We can take the example of Apple. a leading smartphone company. If we imagine that Apple was about to create TV set and home cinema -like Samsung or Sony-, nobody could say that Apple would experience success or failure. More precisely, Apple is not known as a TV producer, but as a hardware producer and seller. Therefore, it might be irrelevant for Apple to use the same strategy of leading competitors as Apple does not benefit from the same reputation in this specific area. Actually, it would be better for Apple to develop first its image in the TV set area before copying Sony's or Samsung's strategy. In brief, we can say that the first claim is unconvincing as the author does not provided any piece of background about Excelsior. Therefore, the reader cannot assess if such marketing strategy would be effective in the case of Excelsior Company. The argument would have been clearer if it had stated that such strategy was the fittest in the case of Excelsior.

Second, the argument asserts that the marketing strategy consists in offering free samples, introducing promotions etc. This is again an unsupported claim as it does not demonstrate any correlation between a discount strategy and the success of a new brand. We can consider the example of Nespresso. Nespresso represents a luxuary brand or coffee and is very successful thanks to its free samples. More precisely, when you go to a Nesspresso shop and when you buy Nespresso's coffe, then employees offer you a free cup of coffee. So we can conclude that Nespresso success is based on the good atmosphere created in their shops. Nevertheless, people are able to get free samples only when they buy. On the contrary, it is really hard to say if Nespresso would have been as successful as it is if it has provided free samples for non-buyers people. Therefore, Excelsior's success with promotion cannot be guaranted as the Nespresso's example is exactly the opposite situation. If the argument had provided some statistical data or evidence that the more a company makes promotion the more sales increase, then it would have been much more convincing.

Finally, some additional information would have strengthened the argument. As explained before, providing information about Excelsior's background could have help to understand the company's situation, and so to determine what strategy was the fittest in this situation. Furthermore, a comparative analysis of marketing campaign would have helped the reader to determine whether a promotion strategy is good or not, or if another strategy -such as Nespresso's- is better. Without any answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the argument is a wishful thinking rather than a substantiated argument. The claim would have been strengthened if it has mentioned one of the relevant facts cited before.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. Actually, in order to assess the merits of a decision, it is essential to have a full knowledge of all contributing factors. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

SCORE:

Writing Report
GMAT Analysis of an Argument #1 Completed: 2012-08-20
Description
Score
Total Score 6
Analyzes the issue 6
Supports ideas 6
Organizes a coherent idea 6
Language control 6

Bye

chinrichs88 · Answer

Thanks to both of you

Ved22 · Answer

1.Reading Essay, there exists alot mistakes in first paragraph. 2. Introduced IN market and not ON market. Excelsior HAS to adopt and also use of LIKE where marketing Strategy is compared to leading competitors.... Reading more.

SupreetReddy · Answer

Excelsior   HAD   to adopt a similar marketing strategy like a leading competitor

How can you use HAD when you are not referring to the past of the past ?

Dvaishnav · Answer

I really like your passage. here is my attempt. Feel free to provide any feedback:

The argument aims to convince that the Excelsior Company should replicate the strategies of the Superior company such as discounts, free samples, and price reductions to ensure a successful launch of its brand. However, it fails to pursue because of the flawed assumptions and lack of robust evidence.

Firstly, the argument fails to establish that the high price of the coffee prevents the customers from buying it. The customers may actually be willing to pay extra to try something new.

Secondly, it is not clear when did the Superior company introduced its brand. If it was done a few years ago, the case study may not be as relevant to the current situation as the author might think. The market and the customers may have evolved over the period which may call for a different branding strategy. Moreover, does the Excelsior has the financial strength to offer short-term discounts and price reductions?

Thirdly, it is not clear if the Excelsior is catering to the same type of customers as that of the Premium company. While the discounts and price reductions may be appropriate for the customers wanting to grab a cup of coffee on their daily commute, it may not work for the high-end premium customers. The Excelsior should explore the following questions to design a customer-centric brand strategy. Are customers interested in sustainable choices such as a recyclable coffee cup? Are customers interested only in coffee or they also buy a snack item along with it? Will the ambiance of the coffee place play any role in attracting the customers to try the new brand?

In general, learning from the market leaders such as The Premium company is a good idea. However, blindly applying the same strategies is a mistake. Without a detailed analysis as suggested above, the Excelsior Company may be able to replicate the strategy but will fail to replicate the results.

IamKingKong1 · Answer

Could anyone please evaluate my essay? Thanks a lot.

The author recommends that the Excelsior Company shall conduct similar sales promotions as Superior did for the introduction of Excelsior's own coffee brand. The recommendation is based on nothing but that Superior is the leading coffee company. An examination of author's argument would reveal that it is flawed in several aspects disscussed below.

First, the author fails to provide any supporting information that Superior's sales promotion works for itself. The fact that Superior is the leading coffee company does not mean that its every strategy works. Does the promotion help Superior to gain customers for its newest brand line of coffees? Without a positive answer to this question, the author's argument is not convincing.

Second, even we assume that the sales promotion works for Superior, it is tenuous to assume that it will work for Excelsior. It is entirely possible that Superior has a strong marketing team to execuate such promotions, while Excelsior has not established its own team because it has never sold coffee. In addition, it is fairly to assume that the quality of the coffee will play an important role in gaining new customers after the temporary sales promotion ends. Maybe Superior has done extensive test on the coffee and it is confident that the new brand line of coffee can gain new customers. If the quality of Excelsior's coffee is not on par with Superior's, the temporary promotion might amout to nothing eventually.

Third, without a cost benefit analysis of the recommended measure versus other strategies, the argument is not compelling. The argument is not informative about what are the other alternatives. As Excelsior is new to the coffee customers, one cannot help to think whether television advertisement is a better strategy to gain customers.

To sum up, the argument is undermined by the flaws mentioned above. If the author could prove that sales promotion works for Superior and will work for Excelsior and that sales promotion is the best strategy among different ones, the argument would have been more convinsing.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 2.5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

vasupurohit · Answer

Hi Sajjad, Can you please review my essay? Would really appreciate it, thanks a lot.

The argument states that the Excelsior company is launching its own brand of coffee and that the best way for it to gain customers is to do what Superior did when it introduced the newest brand in its line of coffees. By giving an example of a strategy used by Superior in the past, the argument suggests the same course of action for a relatively novel player in the market. This argument rests on several assumptions for which no evidence has been provided; it is weak and has several flaws.

To begin with, the argument readily assumes that what worked for Superior will work for Excelsior. It fails to consider such factors as the monopoly Superior had in the market before introducing its new brand, the changes in customer preferences over the past few years, existing brand image of the Excelsior company, current market competition and many others. Since Superior is a leading coffee company, it had most likely already established itself as a major player in the coffee market before launching its newest line of coffee. Thus, adopting measures such as conducting a temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, reducing prices, and providing discount coupons for the new brand would’ve been more than sufficient to make its newest brand of coffee an instant success. The argument makes a stretch in implying that these exact measures will work for the Excelsior company, without providing any evidence to support its claim.

The argument also takes a leap in that it declares the proposed plan of action the best way to gain customers; it does not explore any other alternatives. While it may be true that the measures adopted by Superior were good enough in the past, there is a high possibility that more efficient marketing strategies exist suited for the current market scenario. Without talking about what other competitors are doing to make their product successful or how many alternatives are present for the consumer to choose from, the argument quickly draws a conclusion without sufficient grounds for doing so.

Third, the argument doesn’t consider how willing a consumer would be to switch his/her coffee brand. It is unlikely that consumers would be open to change just because a new brand is offering free samples or a lower price or discount coupons. Coffee is usually a very important part of a person’s routine, and it wouldn’t be wise to assume that people would be willing to try a completely new product without establishing its credibility.

Even though it may seem on the surface that the argument has some merit, it merely draws a conclusion based on an oversimplified assumption. The argument could be strengthened if it included some data to back its claim. Perhaps, a survey of the changes in the market dynamics or the difference between the influence that the two companies have would provide a more substantial basis to validate the argument’s claim.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5   
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5  
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Sinc

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