carcass GMATNinja or any other expert. It would be great help if my AWA Essay could be evaluated.
The question that I got in my Official Mock is as under :-
" Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health"
The essay that I wrote is as under :-
The argument states that drinking Saluda Natural Spring Water instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors based on which it could be evaluated. This conclusion is based on the premise that the residents of Saluda, where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. However , this conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore , the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws that are enumerated in succeeding paragraphs.
First, the argument relates the lesser rate of hospitalization of the residents of Saluda, where the Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled, with the health benefits of the water in Saluda. In doing this, the argument readily assumes that there are no other factors to play in the lesser rate of hosptalization of the residents of Saluda. For all we know, it might be the better Air Quality in Saluda that has played a role in the lesser rate of hospitalization. Also, the genetic make up of the people of Saluda could have a role to play in the lesser rate of hospitalization. Since the argument fails to explicitly state these assumptions, it seems weak and poorly reasoned. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated that there are no other factors other than water that play a role in the lower than average hospitalization rate of Saluda.
Secondly, the argument generalizes that what works for the residents of Saluda would work for everyone. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as it is not necessary that what is true in one case will hold true in all cases. Is Saluda representative of every other place in the country? The evaluation of the aforementioned question is necessary to evaluate the soundness of the argument. The argument would be more logical , if the author had provided evidence to substantiate the claim that Saluda Natural Spring Water is the reason for the good health of the residents of Saluda.
In addition, another question that needs to be answered is if the source of water consumption of the residents of Saluda and the source of water for Saluda Natural Spring Water is same? If yes, then the argument would be stregthened. If not, then the argument falls flat.
Finally, the argument would be more convincing if it provided clear evidence stating the water to be the reason for good health and lesser hospitalization rate of the residents of the town Saluda. For example, if a newspaper article comes up with a report on the excellent air quality of the Saluda, compared with other places in the country, the argument would be seriously weakened. On the contrary , if the argument provided some evidence , may be in the form of a survey of medical experts, the findings of which attributes the lesser rate of hospitalization of the residents of Saluda to the consumption of water from the source of Saluda Natural Spring Water, then the argument would be logical and convincing.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the afore-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of Saluda Natural Spring Water, it is important to have full knowledge of all contributing factors for the good health of the residents of the town Saluda. For exemple, the argument could be considerably stregthened if the author provided evidence to atrribute the good health of the residents of Saluda to the water source from which Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled. Without this information the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
Thanks in anticipation.
Regards