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leo125
Please grade my AWA :

The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper.

“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper.”

This is what i wrote in 30 mins:

The argument presented by the publisher that decrease in the price of the newspaper ‘The Mercury’ to lower than that of ‘The Bugle’ will lead to increased circulation and therefore more advertising is vague and unsubstantiated. The publisher offers no evidence or statistics to support his claim.
There is no mention of whether the newspapers ‘The Mercury’ or ‘The Bugle’ cater to the same market. Simply saying that they are competing low priced newspapers makes the argument of the publisher very weak. It may be highly likely that ‘The Bugle’ is a newspaper which caters to more of a business audience and ‘The Mercury’ is a newspaper which specializes in reporting local events. In such a case, the comparison is completely un-justified and wrong because both these newspapers cater to two different set of customers with different purchasing capacities.
The argument presented by the publisher rests of the premise that decrease in price of ‘The Mercury’ to a level lower than that of ‘The Bugle’ will increase the circulation of ‘The Mercury’. This statement implies that the circulation of ‘The Mercury’ decreased only on account of its pricing. It may very well be the case that the decrease in circulation was on account of poor quality of articles appearing in ‘ The Mercury’. The readership of ‘The Mercury’ simply decreased as readers were not satisfied with the reporting standards or the content. Thus, instead of improving its editorial and reporting team, the publisher plans to decrease the price of the newspaper. It might be the case that in the area that ‘The Mercury’ operates in, the consumers are not price-sensitive and willing to pay for good-quality reporting. The publisher offers no evidence or facts to address the above-mentioned issues. This substantially weakens the argument as it breaks the entire premise on the which the course of action is based.

The publisher is also of the view that increased circulation will lead to more businesses buying advertising space in the newspaper. This argument is also thoroughly unsubstantiated as publisher doesn’t point to any concrete roadmap to increase circulation. Further, in today’s age of cutthroat competition, newspapers and magazines carve out a specific niche for themselves and thus target specific advertisers. This is no mention of what sort of businesses ‘The Mercury’ plans to attract to buy its advertising space.

Thus, it can be seen from the above critique that the argument presented by the publisher not only lacks substance but also any sort of proper analysis or roadmap to achieve its specified objective. Because the argument leaves out a whole of key issues, it is neither sound nor convincing. On the other hand, if the above mentioned issues were discussed , the argument would have been more thorough and convincing. The argument in its current form is based on a whole lot of wishful thinking and a whole lot of ‘ifs and buts’.

Break the third argument in a paragraph too. Nicely done AWA. Score definitely 5.5 (I scored a 5.5 on GMAT :-) )
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“We have learned from an employee of Windfall, Ltd., that its accounting department, by checking about 10 percent of the last month’s purchasing invoices for errors and inconsistencies, saved the company some $10,000 in overpayments. In order to help our clients increase their net gains, we should advise each of them to institute a policy of checking all purchasing invoices for errors. Such a recommendation could also help us get the Windfall account by demonstrating to Windfall the rigorousness of our methods.”

************************

The author recommends doing a review of all invoices generated by the company. To support the same, the author cites a recent incidence of Windfall Ltd, and incidence in which the company reviewed some invoices and saved $10000 in overpayments. Further, the author states that review process will help company increase net gains for customers and get the Windfall account. The proposal in unconvincing for several reasons.

First, the author has not provided any details about the flawed invoices. Perhaps, the wrong invoices were generated by a specific employee, who was not aware of the processes , or a faulty software system. And the company had realized the issue and thus went ahead with the review of those specific invoices. But, the author’s firm is not prone to such issues as it arranges recurring training programs and periodic review of its software systems. Thus, the author’s company has already fixed the anticipated problem in a more efficient way.

Second, while proposing an extensive review system, the author has not considered the cost and time associated with the new process. Moreover, the author has also not compared the volume of invoices and the percentage of invoices reviewed. What if the volume of invoices of author’s firm is 100 times that of Windfall. And only 0.1% invoices are prone to error. In that case, cost incurred in the process would be much more than savings. This additional cost would be passed on to customers leading to eventual loss, rather than gain to the customers.

Third, while advocating that the rigorousness of methods would help the company win Windfall’s account, the author has failed to consider the role of many other factors that companies consider in business dealings. Rigorous methods can be one of the contract winning factors, but is it the only or primary factor for Windfall? What if, Windfall considers the past experience, skill set of company’s employees, and cost as the top 3 factors in deciding the company to which it gives its account? And many of the competitors of author’s firm are already far ahead on all these fronts. In this case, the new process might offer little or no benefit to the author’s firm in winning Windfall’s account.

To sum up, author needs to fix many loose ends in the argument to strengthen it. The author needs to give more information about the prevalence and nature of wrong invoices. The author must also prove that cost-benefit analysis of the process favors establishing the process. Lastly, while stating that rigorous methods will help company win Windfall account, the author must confirm that it is the one of the topmost factors for Windfall ltd. and making an impact on this front will surely help author’s firm win the contract.
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