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unceldolan
Joined: 21 Oct 2013
Last visit: 03 Jun 2015
Posts: 151
Own Kudos:
Given Kudos: 19
Location: Germany
Schools: Owen '17 (A$) Sauder '17 (A$) Schulich '17 (WD) Anderson FEMBA '17 (S) McDonough '17 (A) Desautels '17 (S)
GMAT 1: 660 Q45 V36
GPA: 3.51
Schools: Owen '17 (A$) Sauder '17 (A$) Schulich '17 (WD) Anderson FEMBA '17 (S) McDonough '17 (A) Desautels '17 (S)
GMAT 1: 660 Q45 V36
Posts: 151
Kudos:
243
23 Aug 2014, 02:53
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Hey Guys,
today I took my first full length practice test, including AWA and IR. Sadly, I haven't studied for AWA and IR yet. Would you mind rating my AWA?
Here it comes: (note: I ran out of time towards the end)
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in an article in a medical journal:
"The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
YOUR RESPONSE:
The passage at hand appeared in a medical journal and describes the issue of increasing adult-onset diabetes, which, according to the author, is caused by malnutrition. The author describes the latter as a consequence of the missing governmental control over the quality of low priced food. The writer states that, in order to decrease the rate of adult-onset diabetes, the government ought to require food manufactures to include more vitamins and minerals in their food.
The author's line of reasoning consists of a straight line: He first puts forward evidence to describe the issue he discusses. He then states reasons for the existence of the evidence and then provides a solution to solve the issue. The aim of the passage is to provide an adequate solution for the issue of rising adult-onset diabetes.
However, the reasoning comes not without flaws.
Firstly, the author explains that the rising diabetes rates are solely caused by malnutrition. This is an underlying assumption, for which the author fails to provide adequate evidence. Since this assumption is the main point which his solution wants to solve, it would be necessary to prove whether there are other causes for diabetes. If the author could provide evidence for the poor nutrition as the main cause of adult-onset diabetes, he would strengthen his line of argumentation and his conclusion enormously. This evidence could be data on ingredients that are known to cause diabetes.
Another flaw in the author's argumentation is the assumption, that the poor nutrition of adults is caused by a lack of low-price food control by the government. The are two main issues with this statements. The author relies on his statement, that adults will mostly consume low price food and that this food has low quality. Again, the author fails to provide enough evidence to support these statements. If he were to demonstrate that on the one hand the low price food is actually the most consumed food by adults and that on the other hand this low price food actually has a low quality, he would seriously strengthen his reasoning. This evidence could consist of surveys or food controls by biologists.
Lastly, the main solution the author provides to reduce the diabetes rate is flawed. He states that if the government would increase food controls, the adults would eat healthier. This conclusion contradicts the described assumptions. If the government were to require manufactures to alter their products and includes vitamins and minerals, the price of the food would rise and thus, following the author's assumptions, wouldn't be consumed by adults. He also misses to underline his conclusion that including vitamins and minerals in food help to decrease diabetes. This is another assumption for which the writer fails to provide evidence for.
Thank you very much!
today I took my first full length practice test, including AWA and IR. Sadly, I haven't studied for AWA and IR yet. Would you mind rating my AWA?
Here it comes: (note: I ran out of time towards the end)
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in an article in a medical journal:
"The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
YOUR RESPONSE:
The passage at hand appeared in a medical journal and describes the issue of increasing adult-onset diabetes, which, according to the author, is caused by malnutrition. The author describes the latter as a consequence of the missing governmental control over the quality of low priced food. The writer states that, in order to decrease the rate of adult-onset diabetes, the government ought to require food manufactures to include more vitamins and minerals in their food.
The author's line of reasoning consists of a straight line: He first puts forward evidence to describe the issue he discusses. He then states reasons for the existence of the evidence and then provides a solution to solve the issue. The aim of the passage is to provide an adequate solution for the issue of rising adult-onset diabetes.
However, the reasoning comes not without flaws.
Firstly, the author explains that the rising diabetes rates are solely caused by malnutrition. This is an underlying assumption, for which the author fails to provide adequate evidence. Since this assumption is the main point which his solution wants to solve, it would be necessary to prove whether there are other causes for diabetes. If the author could provide evidence for the poor nutrition as the main cause of adult-onset diabetes, he would strengthen his line of argumentation and his conclusion enormously. This evidence could be data on ingredients that are known to cause diabetes.
Another flaw in the author's argumentation is the assumption, that the poor nutrition of adults is caused by a lack of low-price food control by the government. The are two main issues with this statements. The author relies on his statement, that adults will mostly consume low price food and that this food has low quality. Again, the author fails to provide enough evidence to support these statements. If he were to demonstrate that on the one hand the low price food is actually the most consumed food by adults and that on the other hand this low price food actually has a low quality, he would seriously strengthen his reasoning. This evidence could consist of surveys or food controls by biologists.
Lastly, the main solution the author provides to reduce the diabetes rate is flawed. He states that if the government would increase food controls, the adults would eat healthier. This conclusion contradicts the described assumptions. If the government were to require manufactures to alter their products and includes vitamins and minerals, the price of the food would rise and thus, following the author's assumptions, wouldn't be consumed by adults. He also misses to underline his conclusion that including vitamins and minerals in food help to decrease diabetes. This is another assumption for which the writer fails to provide evidence for.
Thank you very much!
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