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30 Dec 2021, 03:36
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Sentence: The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations whereas today's generation of products is more appropriate for wider deployment.
Is the sentence below correct after adding that to it?
Sentence: The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations whereas today's generation of products that are more appropriate for wider deployment is good.
Is the sentence below correct after adding that to it?
Sentence: The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations whereas today's generation of products that are more appropriate for wider deployment is good.
SohGMAT2020
Joined: 04 May 2020
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Concentration: Finance, General Management
Schools: ISB '21 Ivey '21 Rotman '22 CBS '23 Harvard '23 HEC Montreal XLRI
GMAT 1: 700 Q49 V35 (Online)
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Schools: ISB '21 Ivey '21 Rotman '22 CBS '23 Harvard '23 HEC Montreal XLRI
GMAT 1: 700 Q49 V35 (Online)
Posts: 239
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30 Dec 2021, 07:37
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shubham1307
Yes, in my opinion, the 2nd sentence is also okay. "that" refers to products ( today's generation of products). But I believe, since you are comparing two different generation of products, you need a comparative term like "better" in place of "good". Other than that everything looks good.
30 Dec 2021, 09:53
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shubham1307
Hello, shubham1307. I am not fond of the second sentence, to be honest. I think the first could use a comma prior to whereas to show a clear break from the modifier, but notice the parallel structure:
Quote:
Why rupture such parallelism by introducing a relative clause in the second element only? Such an addition diminishes the comparison as well, since it functions without additional commentary (i.e. more and wider indicate improved performance).
Quote:
If we look specifically at each object in the comparison, we have two halves that do not align well:
sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants versus good
The first object provides detailed information about the first generation of wireless products; the latter provides a judgment without any detail. Although the second sentence is functional, it is a step down from the original.
- Andrew
