shubham1307
Sentence: The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations whereas today's generation of products is more appropriate for wider deployment.
Is the sentence below correct after adding that to it?
Sentence: The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations whereas today's generation of products that are more appropriate for wider deployment is good.
Hello,
shubham1307. I am not fond of the second sentence, to be honest. I think the first could use a comma prior to
whereas to show a clear break from the modifier, but notice the parallel structure:
Quote:
The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations
, whereas
today's generation of products is more appropriate for wider deployment.
Why rupture such parallelism by introducing a relative clause in the second element only? Such an addition diminishes the comparison as well, since it functions without additional commentary (i.e.
more and
wider indicate improved performance).
Quote:
The first generation of wireless products was sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants, limiting it to smaller implementations
, whereas
today's generation of products that are more appropriate for wider deployment is good.
If we look specifically at each object in the comparison, we have two halves that do not align well:
sensor specific and not designed to cover entire plants versus
goodThe first object provides detailed information about the first generation of wireless products; the latter provides a judgment without any detail. Although the second sentence is functional, it is a step down from the original.
- Andrew