Can you help me assess my answers? Thanks you.

Question

1.Why have you decided to join the MSc in finance?

Because I want to enter a financial world and work in a financial services company.The reason for this is I've always wanted to work in this industry since when I'm still studying in a university and also have an experiences in an investments such a FX and derivatives. So I decided to gain an insight knowledge and know-how in finance from a respected university that have a good environments and a good people willing to share their wisdom, perspectives and experiences with me.

2.What may differentiate you from the other candidates? What added value can you bring to the school?

What makes me unique is I'm an optimistic person that ready to help people and eager to learn a new things, furthermore I always see the best and in a positive way in almost any situations thanks to my personal experiences. Beyond that some places in my heart really want to make the world a better place.
 I love volunteering because I love people and also willing to contribute in any kinds of activities that benefits the society.

3.Describe your latest or most important achievements.

Entrepreneur
 When I was a sophomore my professor had given a project assignment to start a business plus a competition among each groups, each with 10 members but only my group has only 2 members due to a lot of students have retired from a classes. Anyway I've accepted the challenges and look for some fun, I've had purposed an ideas and a plans to make it work with the other member and asked a friend of mine's from a difference majors for the project. We'd opened a donut shop, my job is to find a place to buy a good quality donut, control a ledger and profit-loss statement I also operate a donut shop and manage a team members while the others selling the products and do marketing. Everything goes according to my plan and in the end my group had won first place in the competition.

4.Do you follow financial, economic or business news on a regular basis? If yes, via what sources? What news item has particularly attracted your attention recently?

Yes, I do follow a financial, economic and a business news everyday when I have a free time via a newspapers, on the internet such as CNBC, WSJ, Yahoo, Bloomberg and Reuters, sometime by a financial and business magazines.
 I've recently read a news related to an Artificial Intelligence and the title of the article is "IBM Artificial Intelligence can predict with 95% accuracy which workers are about to quit their jobs" which explains how and why an AI can help to improve a skills of an employees and reduce cost of a company with an AI, which show me that it can benefits a human life in so many ways.

5.If you were to invest a certain amount of money in the nearest future, what sector/company would you give priority to?

I would give my priority in Technology sector, The reason is because I love technology and always studying about this industry. So I have understand this sector or a companies in this industry better than any other sectors. Thus I love to invest in a companies that related to technology as a firms that have a better technologies or a products that people love and need, It will outperform and dominate the industries in the long run.

DisciplinedPrep · Answer

I highly recommend that you take professional help to review these answers or to help suggest a better structure. as written, these essays lack substance, and not to forget the poorly constructed sentences. You may want to put in much more effort. Thank you.

Asawa7 · Answer

Thanks you very much sir.

Asawa7 · Answer

I ve edited the it already, can you please give me more evaluation, please.

1. Why have you decided to join the MSc in finance?

Because I want to enter a financial world and work in a financial services company. The reason for this is I've always wanted to work in this industry since when I'm still studying in a university and also have experiences in investments such as FX and derivatives. So I decided to gain an insight knowledge and know-how in finance from a respected university that has good environments and good people willing to share their wisdom, perspectives, and experiences with me.

2. What may differentiate you from the other candidates? What added value can you bring to the school?

What makes me unique is I'm an optimistic person that ready to help people and eager to learn new things, furthermore, I always see the best and in a positive way in almost any situation thanks to my personal experiences. Beyond that, some places in my heart really want to make the world a better place.
 I love volunteering because I love people and also willing to contribute in any kind of activity that benefits society.

3. Describe your latest or most important achievements.

Entrepreneur
 When I was a sophomore my professor had given a project assignment to start a business plus a competition among groups, each with 10 members but only my group has only 2 members due to a lot of students had retired from a class. Anyway, I've accepted the challenges and look for some fun, I've had purposed an ideas and a plans to make it work with the other member and asked a friend of mine's from a different major for the project. We'd opened a donut shop, my job is to find a place to buy a good quality donut, control a ledger and profit-loss statement I also operate a donut shop and manage team members while the others selling the products and do marketing. Everything goes according to my plan and in the end, my group had won first place in the competition.

4. Do you follow financial, economic or business news on a regular basis? If yes, via what sources? What news item has particularly attracted your attention recently?

Yes, I do follow financial, economic and business news every day when I have free time via newspapers, on the internet such as CNBC, WSJ, Yahoo, Bloomberg, and Reuters, sometimes by a financial and business magazines.
 I've recently read news related to an Artificial Intelligence and the title of the article is "IBM Artificial Intelligence can predict with 95% accuracy which workers are about to quit their jobs" which explains how and why an AI can help to improve a skills of an employees and reduce cost of a company with an AI, which shows me that it can benefits a human life in so many ways.

5.If you were to invest a certain amount of money in the nearest future, what sector/company would you give priority to?

I would give my priority in the Technology sector, The reason is that I love technology and always studying about this industry. So I have some understanding in this sector or companies in this industry better than any other sector. Thus I love to invest in a company that related to technology as firms that have better technologies or products that people love and need, It will outperform and dominate the industries in the long run.

Can you help me assess my answers? Thanks you.

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