Please Rate- The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located

Question

The following appeared in a memorandum to the work-group supervisors of the GBS Company:
“The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in
sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced
by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem,
especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines.
Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cart—after all, it was leased for
their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

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The argument in the memorandum to the supervisors claims that the supervisors should remind the employees to patronize the cart. Though the argument may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument which is based on several questionable assumptions and unsubstantiated premises.

First the argument readily assumes that the increase in the attrition rate of the employees is due to dissatisfaction with the food services in place. But such an assumption is a stretch, to illustrate, there could be other factors for why employees are leaving the company, such as dissatisfaction with work, inadequate compensation or benefits, lack of recognition, etc. All of these reasons cannot be solved by retaining a food and beverages service in the office's lobby. Had there been evidence that directly linked dissatisfaction with the available food and beverages options to the employees' attrition rate, then the argument would have been strengthened.

Second, there is a major flaw in the argument as it contradicts itself. On one hand the argument claims that the employees do not use the CoffeeCart services and its sales are low, and on the other hand it claims that retaining their services is valuable for the employees' morale. If the employees are not even using the services and would rather walk over to the cafeteria as suggested in the argument, it is not very apparent how the two are linked with each. The argument would have been a lot more convincing if the author had resolved this paradox like situation in the argument.

Finally, there are many questions that the argument leaves unanswered. For example, there is no evidence to suggest that CoffeeCart would cease its services because of low sales. If GBS company compensates CoffeeCart such that sales are not its only source of income, then maybe it is still profitable for it to continue. Also, it is not very clear in the passage what the dissatisfaction with the snack machine has anything to do with the CoffeeCart services, since the employees prefer cafeteria over CoffeeCart, and there is no evidence to show that they are dissatisfied with the cafeteria services.

In summary, the argument is flawed for the aforementioned reasons and is, therefore, unconvincing. If the author had included the items discussed above, the argument would have been more thorough and sound.

jkolachi · Answer

Let me help here: 
"Though the argument may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument which is based on several questionable assumptions and unsubstantiated premises." Avoid though the argument may well have merit.... makes it sound like you are agreeing with it ... WEAK. Take a strong position one way or another. Don't be wishy washy. I somewhat agree but disagree here.... Just say The argument has following fatal flaws x, y, and z.

"But such an assumption is a stretch, to illustrate, there could be other factors for why employees are leaving the company, such as dissatisfaction with work, inadequate compensation or benefits, lack of recognition, etc. "   A little wordy, - Argument assumes X. X is a stretch because there could be x y and z reasons.

"Second, there is a major flaw in the argument as it contradicts itself. " as it contradicts itself? I don't think that's the right way to phrase that. This sounds like, there is a major flaw where the contradiction begins... I think you mean to say that There is a major flaw BECAUSE it contradicts itselfs?
 
 "Had there been evidence that directly linked dissatisfaction with the available food and beverages options to the employees' attrition rate, then the argument would have been strengthened.   " Passive voice? opposite order of sentences. I would say -- The argument could be strengthened by providing evidence that directly links x y and z ...

"If the employees are not even using the services and would rather walk over to the cafeteria as suggested in the argument, it is not very apparent how the two are linked with each. The argument would have been a lot more convincing if the author had resolved this paradox like situation in the argument. "

I don't quite understand your argument here. I think you are trying to say that- There is a contradiction in the argument that needs to be resolved. (explain what the argument is in clear terms, if the employees are not using the service, and instead choosing to walk to the cafeteria... How is this a contradiction?-- I dont follow).

"Finally, there are many questions that the argument leaves unanswered."   I would rephrase this- The argument fails to address the following concerns (or these concerns).

Overall I think its well written (in terms of structure and choice of word) I am just having a really hard time following the logic. You're too focused on structure and not providing any real criticism of the argument.... i think its probably just this passage.

Hope this help!

ZenYogi · Answer

Thanks for taking the time, really appreciate the feedback

Please Rate- The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located

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