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Please rate my AWA

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Rate my AWA

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Intern
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Joined: 21 Jan 2018
Posts: 1
Please rate my AWA  [#permalink]

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New post 11 Feb 2018, 09:33
This is my first AWA, please let me know what you think and what I should do better.


3. The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on
the arts.
“In a recent citywide poll, fifteen percent more residents said that they watch
television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five
years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art
museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that
supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now
being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art
museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting
the arts should be reallocated to public television.”


The memorandum concludes that if the funding cut threats to public television come into fruition, then both the percentage of how many people watch the visual arts programs and the percentage of people that attend museums will start to decrease. Due to this, the council on the arts believes that funding to public television should be increased. This statement is flawed in many ways. First, there is no evidence provided that the same people who are watching the visual arts channels are visiting the museums. Secondly, a 15% increase in visual arts television, could be just a 15% increase in people who are watching television. Lastly, just because public television funds are being threatened, does not necessarily mean that views in the visual arts will decrease.

One major flaw is that the article provides no evidence to the claim that a decrease in views of visual arts programs would cause a decrease in museum attendance. There is no proof of correlation that the exact same people who are watching these programs are attending the museum. Due to the lack of evidence, for all we know, a decrease in visual arts television could cause an increase in museum attendance. There is no way to know unless this specific situation is surveyed and tested.

Secondly, there is only one percentage given for an increase in visual arts programs for the last five years. “15%”. Well, this does not tell us much. This increase could be caused by a general increase in the amount of people who are watching public television. More information would need to be provided on the survey taken five years ago to provide more truth for the statement.

Lastly, the memorandum states that “most of” the visual arts programs are on public television. This means that not all of the programs are on the public television, whose funds are the only ones being threatened. “Most of” is incredibly vague wording. This could mean 51% or 99%, which could make a big difference in deciding if these cuts would even cause a decrease in visual arts programs, much less museum attendance.

To strengthen this argument, the memorandum needs to include more evidence. They could take more surveys of a more specific situation that they are discussing. They need to find out if visual arts programs viewings have anything to do with museum attendance. Then they can begin to put together a much stronger argument.
Manager
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S
Joined: 23 Jan 2018
Posts: 63
Concentration: Operations, Strategy
WE: Engineering (Manufacturing)
Re: Please rate my AWA  [#permalink]

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New post 11 Feb 2018, 10:29
1
instead of "the amount of people", it should be "the number of people"
Re: Please rate my AWA &nbs [#permalink] 11 Feb 2018, 10:29
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