Hi guys,
I would really appreciate if you could take some time of yours to read and grade my essay.
Please consider that this is my first ever essay. I used Chineseburned guide for this essay.
I am open to all kind of criticism.
Thanks in advance.
“Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track.”
The article mentioned in the business section of a local newspaper provides some valid reasoning in theory but lacks key important information to acknowledge the argument as completely valid. The article states that the reason for less selling of the imitated motorcycle by a foreign company is not because it lacks the exceptional loud noise compared to motorcycle X but some other explanation. Also, article tries to reason it by comparing criteria for selling motorcycles with criteria for selling cars. There are a few assumptions made in the argument which require further information to prove as facts.
Firstly, the author of the article assumes that there must be some other explanation for declining sales, even when some people believe because these new imitated motorcycles lack the loud noise made by motorcycle X. He further provides the information to reason his position that the television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines and have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track. But we can also consider the possibility that company manufacturing motorcycle X does not even has to advertise its loud noise as it is widely known and only has to advertise the complementary benefits such as durability and sleek design. For instance, Royal Enfield sells its motorcycle Bullet in India which has a craze among bike community because of its loud noise and very well appreciated for that loud noise. So, bike enthusiasts clearly know about the loud noise about the motorcycle but what they also want to know is the durability and the latest design features the bike comes with. Hence, ignoring the loud noise of the bike is definitely a wrong assumptions made in the article.
Secondly, the author has tried to justify his position by comparing criteria of selling cars to criteria of selling motorcycles. Normally, people buy cars to travel long distances or to travel with a family of more than two or both. A person buying a family car will not think upon the loud noise feature of the car rather will prefer a quieter car. Similarly, a person buying a car to travel long distances will look for features such as comfort, cruise control and easy seat adjustments rather than loud noise. Therefore, this strengthening statement to justify his position for conclusion is flawed since using selling criteria of cars cannot be applied on motorcycles.
While on the surface, the argument in the article seems logical and attractive, it is based on assumptions and cannot be considered truly valid. Hence, the author must provide either more concrete information for the assumptions made in the argument or dig out new information to support his conclusion.
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