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jatin093
Joined: 17 May 2021
Last visit: 09 Jan 2024
Posts: 90
Given Kudos: 24
Location: India
Schools: IIM (A) ISB '24 (WL) Judge '24 (D) Imperial (D) Haas '25 Said '24 Kenan-Flagler '25 NUS '25
GMAT 1: 640 Q48 V29
GMAT 2: 730 Q50 V39
GMAT 3: 710 Q48 V39
GRE 1: Q166 V152
GPA: 3.4
Products:
Schools: IIM (A) ISB '24 (WL) Judge '24 (D) Imperial (D) Haas '25 Said '24 Kenan-Flagler '25 NUS '25
GMAT 3: 710 Q48 V39
GRE 1: Q166 V152
Posts: 90
15 Aug 2021, 05:41
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi guys,
I would really appreciate if you could take some time of yours to read and grade my essay.
Please consider that this is my first ever essay. I used Chineseburned guide for this essay.
I am open to all kind of criticism.
Thanks in advance.
“Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track.”
The article mentioned in the business section of a local newspaper provides some valid reasoning in theory but lacks key important information to acknowledge the argument as completely valid. The article states that the reason for less selling of the imitated motorcycle by a foreign company is not because it lacks the exceptional loud noise compared to motorcycle X but some other explanation. Also, article tries to reason it by comparing criteria for selling motorcycles with criteria for selling cars. There are a few assumptions made in the argument which require further information to prove as facts.
Firstly, the author of the article assumes that there must be some other explanation for declining sales, even when some people believe because these new imitated motorcycles lack the loud noise made by motorcycle X. He further provides the information to reason his position that the television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines and have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track. But we can also consider the possibility that company manufacturing motorcycle X does not even has to advertise its loud noise as it is widely known and only has to advertise the complementary benefits such as durability and sleek design. For instance, Royal Enfield sells its motorcycle Bullet in India which has a craze among bike community because of its loud noise and very well appreciated for that loud noise. So, bike enthusiasts clearly know about the loud noise about the motorcycle but what they also want to know is the durability and the latest design features the bike comes with. Hence, ignoring the loud noise of the bike is definitely a wrong assumptions made in the article.
Secondly, the author has tried to justify his position by comparing criteria of selling cars to criteria of selling motorcycles. Normally, people buy cars to travel long distances or to travel with a family of more than two or both. A person buying a family car will not think upon the loud noise feature of the car rather will prefer a quieter car. Similarly, a person buying a car to travel long distances will look for features such as comfort, cruise control and easy seat adjustments rather than loud noise. Therefore, this strengthening statement to justify his position for conclusion is flawed since using selling criteria of cars cannot be applied on motorcycles.
While on the surface, the argument in the article seems logical and attractive, it is based on assumptions and cannot be considered truly valid. Hence, the author must provide either more concrete information for the assumptions made in the argument or dig out new information to support his conclusion.
Posted from my mobile device
I would really appreciate if you could take some time of yours to read and grade my essay.
Please consider that this is my first ever essay. I used Chineseburned guide for this essay.
I am open to all kind of criticism.
Thanks in advance.
“Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track.”
The article mentioned in the business section of a local newspaper provides some valid reasoning in theory but lacks key important information to acknowledge the argument as completely valid. The article states that the reason for less selling of the imitated motorcycle by a foreign company is not because it lacks the exceptional loud noise compared to motorcycle X but some other explanation. Also, article tries to reason it by comparing criteria for selling motorcycles with criteria for selling cars. There are a few assumptions made in the argument which require further information to prove as facts.
Firstly, the author of the article assumes that there must be some other explanation for declining sales, even when some people believe because these new imitated motorcycles lack the loud noise made by motorcycle X. He further provides the information to reason his position that the television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines and have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track. But we can also consider the possibility that company manufacturing motorcycle X does not even has to advertise its loud noise as it is widely known and only has to advertise the complementary benefits such as durability and sleek design. For instance, Royal Enfield sells its motorcycle Bullet in India which has a craze among bike community because of its loud noise and very well appreciated for that loud noise. So, bike enthusiasts clearly know about the loud noise about the motorcycle but what they also want to know is the durability and the latest design features the bike comes with. Hence, ignoring the loud noise of the bike is definitely a wrong assumptions made in the article.
Secondly, the author has tried to justify his position by comparing criteria of selling cars to criteria of selling motorcycles. Normally, people buy cars to travel long distances or to travel with a family of more than two or both. A person buying a family car will not think upon the loud noise feature of the car rather will prefer a quieter car. Similarly, a person buying a car to travel long distances will look for features such as comfort, cruise control and easy seat adjustments rather than loud noise. Therefore, this strengthening statement to justify his position for conclusion is flawed since using selling criteria of cars cannot be applied on motorcycles.
While on the surface, the argument in the article seems logical and attractive, it is based on assumptions and cannot be considered truly valid. Hence, the author must provide either more concrete information for the assumptions made in the argument or dig out new information to support his conclusion.
Posted from my mobile device
16 Aug 2021, 07:08
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Follow the AWA forum rules: https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Good Luck
jatin093
17 Aug 2022, 03:35
Kudos
Bookmarks
The argument states that Motorcycle X has been manufactured for 70 years and although a foreign company has copied the motorcycle, the latter has failed to capture any costumers. The argument refutes the claim that the reason the situation is taking place is sound that the motorcycles produce, and says that other factors must be responsible for the same. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions which have no clear evidence and hence the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws. Some of the flaws are stated below.
Firstly, the argument mentions that “some say some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X” but fails to mention who these “some” people in fact are. For example if they are well established critiques then the argument makes sense and weight can be put on the reason that the critiques present. However, if these people are mere day to day observers then the claim holds no water.
Secondly, the argument readily accepts that what is true for cars must also be true for the motorcycles. The comparison in itself not correct. The argument fails to mention what type of car they and talking about the market that it captures. Most People buy cars for their everyday life and to travel from one place to another where Motorcycles would not be efficient. People who buy motorcycles prefer them to be cool and stylish and are young people most of the times, who may like to show off and hence sound would make a great difference.
Thirdly, while the argument claims that there could be more reasons to it that just sounds it fails to exemplify the statements and thus is too vague for any reader to accept. Perhaps if the author provided examples to what the other reasons could be the authors point could have been clearer.
On the basis of the above two reasons it can be concluded that the argument is in fact weak and flawed. The argument could have been better if the author provided details to the people it mentions, or compare apples to apples.
Sajjad1994 could you help me rate this AWA
Firstly, the argument mentions that “some say some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X” but fails to mention who these “some” people in fact are. For example if they are well established critiques then the argument makes sense and weight can be put on the reason that the critiques present. However, if these people are mere day to day observers then the claim holds no water.
Secondly, the argument readily accepts that what is true for cars must also be true for the motorcycles. The comparison in itself not correct. The argument fails to mention what type of car they and talking about the market that it captures. Most People buy cars for their everyday life and to travel from one place to another where Motorcycles would not be efficient. People who buy motorcycles prefer them to be cool and stylish and are young people most of the times, who may like to show off and hence sound would make a great difference.
Thirdly, while the argument claims that there could be more reasons to it that just sounds it fails to exemplify the statements and thus is too vague for any reader to accept. Perhaps if the author provided examples to what the other reasons could be the authors point could have been clearer.
On the basis of the above two reasons it can be concluded that the argument is in fact weak and flawed. The argument could have been better if the author provided details to the people it mentions, or compare apples to apples.
Sajjad1994 could you help me rate this AWA
