Wordy and awkward are really awkward - SC

Your second example has nothing to do with wordy either. It is a meaning thing.

Cause - acai berry’s antioxidants boost immune cell function more effectively than those in almost any other fruit
Effect - açai berry is one of the healthiest fruits

The effect is not that açai berry is one of the healthiest and most widely available fruit. The effect is just that it is one of the healthiest fruit. The fact that it is widely available too is an additional characteristic of this fruit.

Also, when we write 'one of the healthiest widely available fruits,' I am not sure what it means.
I should either say 'one of the healthiest and most widely available fruits' if that is what I mean
or I should say 'one of the healthiest fruits among those that are widely available' if that is what I mean
or 'one of the healthiest fruits that is widely available' etc.
The meaning has to be clarified.

Hence option (D) is better.

Hey Rickooreo

Happy to help!

Yes, wordiness and awkward construction ARE deterministic errors in GMAT SC. However, this error type is usually placed at the bottom of the pecking order right along with pronoun ambiguity.


But neither of the examples you've shared are proof of "Wordiness" as deterministic errors.

As KarishmaB has rightly pointed out:

1. The first question has a Diction Error. The word 'foreseeable' means "that lies within the range for which forecasts are possible", for instance "the foreseeable future". The sentence intends to talk about specific weather conditions that cannot be foreseen (such as, say, tornados, etc.) and not about weather conditions that are not expected to occur in the foreseeable future.

2. In the Manhattan Question, you do not need to worry about the difference between "one of the healthiest widely available fruits" and "one of the healthiest fruits that is widely available", simply because choice C has the blatant misuse of 'which' to refer to the preceding clause. Choice D is the least of all evils, and hence the best of the given choices.


Here's a good official example to view Wordiness and Redundancy in action: https://gmatclub.com/forum/bluegrass-mu ... ml#p511544

See if you can spot those errors. Revert with your answers, and I'll review them.


Hope this helps.

Happy Learning!

Abhishek

Hi egmat Abhishek, I have uploaded pdf file mentioning my approach, was confused between B and E. Choose B because of the reasons mentioned in the pdf file.

Hi Rickooreo

I went through your analysis.

You were able to identify successfully only one of the errors: "comma + that".

You need to work on Structural Analysis of Sentences, simply because
a. the subject of 'was' at the start of choices C and D is not 'views' but "repertory, views, and vocal style"
b. the subject of the second 'was' in choice C is "Bill Monroe"; so, no, we do not need a subordinating conjunction before this 'was'.


You also need to work on identifying the antecedents of pronouns. You're right that 'who' refers to persons, but 'musicians' are persons, aren't they?


You can study the solution to this question in detail on its dedicated thread on GC. The reason I shared this question with you was to see if you can spot "Wordiness" and "Redundancy". However, you haven't spotted these errors in your analysis.

In the interest of saving time, allow me to point them out. You can observe these errors accordingly.


1. "was influential to" and "were an influence on" are wordier alternatives to "influenced".
2. "was inspirational to" and "was an inspiration to" are wordier alternatives to "inspired".
3. "was different from" and "was different in comparison to" are wordier alternatives to "differed from".
4. "was different from that of his own" in choice E is an example of redundancy. "his own" already means "Bill's own (music)". Hence, "that of his own" would mean "music of his own music".


I hope you now see how Wordiness and Redundancy are tested in GMAT SC.


Happy Learning!

Abhishek

Thankyou egmat Abhishek for the detailed explanation

Hello Rickooreo,

We hope this finds you well.

As others have already answered, in-depth, what the other major flaws in your example are, we will not reiterate those points.

However, we would like to reiterate that wordiness, awkwardness, and other stylistic issues are the least factors that one should consider on the GMAT. Only once you are certain that the competing answer choices are entirely error-free should you focus on wordiness; it is fairly rare that style will play a role in making the final determination.

We hope this helps.
All the best!
Experts' Global Team