On average, middle‐aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail

Question

The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine:
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store
products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

Response :
  
The argument cites that the retail store expenditure of middle aged people is be more than the young people  . At first glance the argument appears coherent, convincing and legitimate. However, looking into the depths of the argument and its structure, a number of flaws are evident to such an extent that neither the argument nor its conclusion could be taken into account seriously. The argument’s pivotal shortcomings include the addressed assumptions without enough support and lack of examples to strengthen its conclusion.
 
Firstly, the argument oversimplified the data. It assumed that just because middle aged people devoted more percentage towards departmental stores spending would result in higher revenues, but in practical the more percentage of spending from middle aged groups doesn’t mean that they are generating more revenues when compared to young people. What if young people have spared more budget towards the retail store expenditure when compared to middle aged group. 
 
Secondly, the expected dramatic increase in the middle aged group in never supported in the argument through any statistical data. Moreover, just because the middle aged group people are increasing doesn’t mean that the current trend would continue in the future. So, without answering these questions the expectations on retail revenue increase because of middle aged people could be unfounded.
 
Lastly , the arguments suggests to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer could lead to undesired consequences if it fails to consider the following facts. What if the trend is reversed in the next ten years?. Also, considering the current technological trend the goods which could attract the young people may enter the market which could undermine the argument’s conclusion.
 
Overall , the argument ,in its current state, consists of blatant flaws. So the argument is not convincing as it stands. The argument should have provided support to its assumptions and a few examples to strengthen the conclusion in order to foolproof the argument.

KapTeacherEli · Answer

3

It pains me to give such a low score to this essay. It's clear that a lot of care went into it; it's following the organized template clearly, it completes the task, and (I think) it is well reasoned. Unfortunately, the language barrier is to much. Multiple run-on sentences and sentence fragments interfere severely with understanding. Don't force yourself to use "fancy" language to look formal or proper! Stick with simple sentences and simple vocabulary, get the grammar and style  right , then work from there on increasing complexity and variety.

iwillcrackgmat · Answer

Thank you so much.
Useful comments.

shobhitanand163 · Answer

The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine: 
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.” 
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc

SOLUTION : Time Taken 36 minutes

The argument claims that as the middle aged consumers devote higher percent of their retail expenditure to the department store in comparison to young consumers and the numbers of middle aged consumers will increase dramatically, the retail sales is also expected to increase from department stores. Here, the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence and it fails to address some important concerns that needs to be addressed to substantiate the argument.

Most conspicuously, the argument stands to choose one category of customers over the other for only a small margin in terms of expenditure. It fails to understand that different customers with different requirement coming to the store will only help in increasing the overall business volume and would be beneficial for the store in long run.

Second, argument assumes that retail sales will increase with the increase in number of middle aged consumers. However, it is not necessary. For example - with ever increasing reach of mobile apps and online platforms, there is possibility that middle aged consumer might choose online ordering through mobile-app rather than going to a departmental store. If the argument had given any evidence on such precedence as suggested, the argument would have been a lot more convincing.

Finally, the argument suggests to replace products to attract middle aged consumers. But there are no details given on the basket of products that the middle aged consumers are buying. There is a possibility that middle aged consumers are buying products that are for younger members of their family. Stated in this way, the argument can lead to loss in business as there would be no products for younger members.

Because, the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If the argument included the above mentioned factors/situations and provided data to support the assumptions, it would have been more thorough and convincing.

Carcass · Answer

It is good. Really. However, you should stretch the AWA to at least 3 paragraphs and in each of them give example. Here an example of a 6.0 AWA rated. Total words: 640 https://gmatclub.com/forum/example-of-a ... 37566.html As you can see, it is really consistence in its architecture. Hope this helps. Regards

DAVEexamPAL · Answer

Hey  shobhitanand163 
I'm afraid I'm a bit more critical than carcass. while it seems you have gotten the main ideas, I think this could be significantly better. 
Main comments: 
- two of your three criticisms are only partially convincing:
 1) the first criticism is in my opinion unconvincing. The argument advocated replacing only some of the products for young consumers with ones for middle aged ones - your criticism makes it sound as if they are completely banishing young people from the store, but this is not the case. on what basis do you know the margin in expenditure? this seems unsubstantiated. 
2) The second criticism is excellent. Good job. 
3) Only partly convincing. why does it matter what and who the middle aged consumers are buying for? Even if they are buying for younger members, this will be reflected in their actual purchases, and thus these products would be sold. In other words, "products intended to attract middle aged consumers" probably encompasses this. This point needs, at the very least, to be further developed and explained. 
- there are a fair number of grammatical mistakes (one example: "it is not necessary" should be "this is not necessary"). This is something you must work on. 
- as carcass said, it should be significantly longer. Each paragraph should have about 100 words, and examples do help achieve this,

Rubal733 · Answer

On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent., department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

The argument states that the department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly because of the fact that the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically and these middle-aged people devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. The conclusion of argument is based on several assumptions for which no clear evidence is provided. Hence, argument is weak/unconvincing and has several flaws.

Firstly, the argument assumes that the middle aged person spend more on department store products and services by citing the evidence which states that middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. It may be possible that middle-aged person overall spend less money on retail expenditure than young-aged person does and overall 39 percent contribute to less amount compared to 25 percent .

Secondly, argument states that department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly as the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade , by citing no clear evidence or giving no clear data/trend. Hence, it can not be said that sales of department stores will increase.

Finally, it may be a negative effect on sales of departmental stores by replacing some of those products that intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer because doing so stores may stop stelling some of products which may be a future need of middle-aged person or products which middle-aged buy for there young relative/friend .

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It can be considerably strengthened by providing relative facts or data. Without these facts the argument is weak and open to debate.

Diegocoxb · Answer

Hello! Can somebody please help me with the correction of my AWA Essay, please? it is the first one that i do, and it would be really helpful if somebody could correct it for me to see how can i improve in this matter.

The argument i used is this one:

“On average, middle‐aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle‐aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle‐ aged consumer.”

And my essay is the following:

"This argument shown above is flawed for several reasons. First of all, the argument is based on the assumption that the results of the study cited is correct, the author also assumes that people who are now younger than the middle-aged will behave exactly as middle-aged consumers behave now. This takes the author of the argument to conclude that stores should focus on products intended to attract the middle-aged consumers more, which is actually an invalid conclusion.

The author fails to provide any support of his data, it is assumed that the numbers of the study used in this argument give valid information to jump into conclusions, we do not know for sure if the study used a representative sample, or how many people were asked for the study, for example. If the author gave this kind of information supporting the data he is using, it would strengthen the credibility of the study, and thus, the argument as a whole.

The argument assumes that people behave similarly throughout the years, he takes as a fact that people who are now younger will buy the same products as the middle-aged consumers when they get to that same age. The author makes the assumption that tastes don’t change when years pass and that is actually wrong, trends and people taste change throughout the years.

Even if taste did not change with time, the conclusion of replacing products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumers, so that younger people would buy those kind of products when they grow up is invalid, doing this could actually have negative consequences in the future, possibly meaning that when younger consumers get to the middle age, they will not be interested in those products, because they were never considered as a target when they were young.

Because the argument makes several unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing conclusion for retailers to focus on products intended to attract more middle-aged consumers and not younger consumers."

Thank you in advance!!!

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6!

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5 
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good luck

ukc1998 · Answer

Please evaluate my essay, point out my errors and suggest the required corrections.

The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine.

“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

The argument claims that departmental stores should begin replacing some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumers. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premise that the number of middle-aged people people will increase dramatically within the next decade, and hence departmental stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during the next decade. Stated in this way, the argument reveals leap of faith, poor reasoning. Furthermore, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument cites the numerical record without providing any additional details about population and profits from both the younger people and the middle-aged people. In order to decide whether to increase inventory for middle-aged people and decrease the inventory for younger people, or not, we need to have more details. There might be a scenario opposite to the opinion of the author. For example, a significantly greater profits from the expenditure of younger people than the profits from the expenditure of middle-aged people can direct us to increase the inventory for younger people and decrease the inventory for middle-aged group people. Thus, the cited record is not enough to decide what to do about the inventory. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated the profits from the expenditure of both younger people and middle-aged people.

Second, the argument readily assumes that the department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly in the near future. Just relying on the increase in population of the middle-aged people in the near future, which too has not any substantive evidence, it is completely illogical to expect that the sales of department stores is certainly going to increase. The present record does not truly reflect its continuation in all forms in the near future. However, there are several retail market indicators that affect the decision of a customer. Will the middle-aged people continue to devote their expenditure to department store in the near future? Is there any choice of better and economical departmental stores available in the retail market? Will the economic conditions in the near future favor the middle-aged people to buy products and services of department stores? Without answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the argument is more of a wishful thinking rather than a substantive evidence.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons. Hence, the argument is disputed and indefensible. It could have been considerably strengthened if the author would have provided all the sufficient and necessary information to support the claim. Without these information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6!

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5 
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

PS: Please post your unique essay only once.

KK62432 · Answer

Hi, Can anyone please evaluate my passage too? It would be really helpful! Thanks in advance!

GMATNinja KapTeacherEli "On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer." The author in the given passage argues that since currently, middle-aged consumers spend a larger part of their retail expenditure to departmental store products and services than younger consumers do, it is expected that departmental store sales will increase as the number of middle-aged consumers will increase dramatically within the next decade. The author bases his conclusion on assumptions without concrete evidences and until the logical fallacies are addressed, the argument remains weak and logically unsound. First, the author asserts that since, currently, middle-aged consumers spend a greater part of their retail spending on departmental store products than younger consumers do, it is expected to happen in future too. This claim is flawed as it assumes that if an event has occurred in the past, it will happen in the future too. The author does not provide any evidence that establishes the reasons why it is reasonable to expect that the retail spending trend will be the same in the next decade too. In order to strengthen the argument, the author must provide further evidence that would support the expected retail spending trend in the two consumer groups. Second, the author compares what proportion of retail expenditure is devoted to departmental store by the two consumer groups. However, this comparison is a weak premise to base the argument on, as it only compares the proportion of retail expenditure and not the absolute value. It is possible that 25 percent of younger consumers’ retail expenditure is greater than 39 percent of middle-aged consumers’ retail expenditure. If this is true then the argument would not hold good. So, to further strengthen the argument, the author must provide additional information on the absolute value of expenditure by the two groups. Finally, in the anticipation of dramatic increase in middle-aged consumers within the next decade, the author asserts that the stores should begin replacing products meant for younger consumers with that for middle-aged consumers to take advantage of this trend. This plan is seriously flawed because the ultimate objective of the store would be to maximize its sale and profit, but if this plan is implemented, then it is quite possible that the stores would lose their current younger consumers and thus impact the business at present. To address this vulnerability, the author must suggest an alternative plan that would not drive away the present consumers, but is in line with the anticipation at the same time. To conclude, the passage currently suffers from the above-mentioned serious flaws – expecting the past trend to carry on to the future, inadequate comparison of spending proportion, and advice to replace products, which could hurt the present sales. Until the above-mentioned flaws are addressed and additional information is provided to support the assumptions, the argument stays vulnerable to being weak and unsound as it currently stands.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 6 out of 6!

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5 
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

vaibhav1221 · Answer

Hi, could you rate my essay as well? Thanks in advance.

“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

The argument claims that because on an average, middle-aged consumers devote a higher percentage of their retail expenditure to department store products and services than younger consumers do and because the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect sales to increase significantly during that period. Basing on the aforementioned facts, the argument further claims that to take advantage of the trend, such stores should begin to replace some products intended to attract the younger consumers with products intended to attract middle-aged consumers. These claims and conclusions, however, are a stretch as the argument fails to mention several key factors that would help bridge the gap between the facts and the claim, conveying a distorted view of the situation.

Firstly, the connection between the claim that the department stores will witness an increase in sales during the 10-year period and the fact that the number of middle-aged people will increase in the next 10 years is a long haul. Multiple facts must be assumed to arrive from the given premise to the conclusion drawn by the argument. The argument readily, without warrant, assumes that the trend that middle-aged consumers devote a higher percentage of their retail expenditure to department store products and services than younger consumers do is going to continue for the 10-year period in consideration. Furthermore, the argument states, as a fact, that the percentage of expenditure devoted to department store products and services is higher for middle-aged consumers than for younger consumers, however, that the absolute expenditure on department store products and services may be higher for younger consumers than for middle-aged consumers is a possibility.

Secondly, the argument further recommends that replacing some products intended to attract younger customers with products intended to attract middle-aged consumers would help the stores take full advantage of the trend. This recommendation, however, has no legs to stand on without knowledge of all the contributing factors. For instance, a case in which young customers start devoting a higher percentage as well as a higher absolute dollar value to department store products and service, the department stores, rather than gaining from the trend, would start losing customers as they may no longer be well stocked to serve their major customer base.

In summary, the argument has twigs for legs to stand on and is therefore vulnerable to debate. The argument is therefore rendered unconvincing because of the aforementioned possibilities and reasons. To assess the merit of a situation, it is ideal to have knowledge of all contributing factors, however, in this particular case, many such factors have been omitted from consideration.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5   
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 3/5  
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

On average, middle‐aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail

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