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Can you kindly review my AWA?

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Intern
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Joined: 14 Jan 2018
Posts: 1
Can you kindly review my AWA? [#permalink]

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New post 14 Jan 2018, 12:31
Hi, I'm preparing for the GMAT and just did a simulation test.

Below you'll find my AWA so if you can help me by giving me feedback I'll be very thankful.

The following appeared as part of an editorial in a campus newspaper:
“With an increasing demand for highly skilled workers, this nation will soon face a serious labor shortage. New positions in technical and professional occupations are increasing rapidly, while at the same time the total labor force is growing slowly. Moreover, the government is proposing to cut funds for aid to education in the near future.”

The argument states that because the supply of technical and professional workers is not growing as fast as its demand, soon the country would not be able to have the required labor force. It also says that soon there would not be any more funds to students from the government.

First, the author assumes that the nation will face serious labor shortage without saying which industry is facing this problem. It might be a country where the steel industry is the only way to move the economy, or a big nation with many types of industries and only one of it facing labor shortage.

Second, the author claims that labor force is growing "slowly" and the demand for occupations are increasing "rapidly". Even though this might be true the language is too vague. We could be talking about a big country with little number of enterprises. So if this was the case a slowly growing labor force will still be enough to satisfy the demand for technical workers and professional occupations.

Finally, the author fails to mention any alternatives to avoid the nation facing serious labor shortage. What if the country imports professional skilled workers? What if the country ask for private companies or businessman to support education? Why not bringing workers from other countries in order to satisfy the rapidly increasing demand?

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the reasons mentioned above. However, the author's argument could be strenghted if he had mentioned the number of people that is in the workforce and also the number of new positions required, so based on percentages we could determine if there will be soon a shortage.
It could be a strongest argument also to mention what kind of industries or jobs are being required instead of just generalizing by mentioning tht highly skilled workers are required.

Thanks a lot
Senior Manager
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Joined: 13 Oct 2016
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Concentration: Operations, Leadership
GMAT 1: 600 Q44 V28
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Re: Can you kindly review my AWA? [#permalink]

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New post 14 Jan 2018, 16:56
Gator29 wrote:
Hi, I'm preparing for the GMAT and just did a simulation test.

Below you'll find my AWA so if you can help me by giving me feedback I'll be very thankful.

The following appeared as part of an editorial in a campus newspaper:
“With an increasing demand for highly skilled workers, this nation will soon face a serious labor shortage. New positions in technical and professional occupations are increasing rapidly, while at the same time the total labor force is growing slowly. Moreover, the government is proposing to cut funds for aid to education in the near future.”

The argument states that because the supply of technical and professional workers is not growing as fast as its demand, soon the country would not be able to have the required labor force. It also says that soon there would not be any more funds to students from the government.

First, the author assumes that the nation will face serious labor shortage without saying which industry is facing this problem. It might be a country where the steel industry is the only way to move the economy, or a big nation with many types of industries and only one of it facing labor shortage.

Second, the author claims that labor force is growing "slowly" and the demand for occupations are increasing "rapidly". Even though this might be true the language is too vague. We could be talking about a big country with little number of enterprises. So if this was the case a slowly growing labor force will still be enough to satisfy the demand for technical workers and professional occupations.

Finally, the author fails to mention any alternatives to avoid the nation facing serious labor shortage. What if the country imports professional skilled workers? What if the country ask for private companies or businessman to support education? Why not bringing workers from other countries in order to satisfy the rapidly increasing demand?

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the reasons mentioned above. However, the author's argument could be strenghted if he had mentioned the number of people that is in the workforce and also the number of new positions required, so based on percentages we could determine if there will be soon a shortage.
It could be a strongest argument also to mention what kind of industries or jobs are being required instead of just generalizing by mentioning tht highly skilled workers are required.

Thanks a lot

Hi Gator29 ,

I am no expert in making any analysis about your essay but please do go to the below link which consists of 109 sample essays to give you an AWA score of 6.0!!

I guess the above topics sample essay would also be available , if not you shall find a atleast few of them with respect to the similar topics. You can compare both of the essays and be your own judge.

https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-compilations-109-analysis-of-argument-essays-86274.html
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Manager
Manager
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Joined: 23 Jan 2018
Posts: 55
Concentration: Operations, Strategy
WE: Engineering (Manufacturing)
Re: Can you kindly review my AWA? [#permalink]

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New post 29 Jan 2018, 18:14
I do agree with Gator29. Also, use Grammarly to check your mistakes initially. Note: use Grammarly only after your full essay is ready because in actual GMAT you won't have this feature.
Manager
Manager
User avatar
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Joined: 23 Jan 2018
Posts: 55
Concentration: Operations, Strategy
WE: Engineering (Manufacturing)
Re: Can you kindly review my AWA? [#permalink]

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New post 02 Feb 2018, 10:40
have you used Grammarly?
Re: Can you kindly review my AWA?   [#permalink] 02 Feb 2018, 10:40
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