People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu

Question

This is my first attempt to write a GMAT Essay. Though I could write something, I am a little skeptical about my abilities to match the GMAT standards(to get a 6/6).

Argument:

"People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals."

Essay:

In the context, the author opines artificial sweetener aspartame is not an effective substitute for sugar, for the people who are consuming the sweetener as a dietary regulation to reduce weight. The author supports the argument by citing two separate studies, as examples, on the substitutes and ultimately concludes the ineffectiveness of aspartame over sugar. However, the cited reasoning is poor in terms of wholesome consideration and the author’s assumption is a generalization drawn on no solid evidence. The following flaws are debatable.

Firstly, the author says, based on some unknown finding, high level of aspartame triggers craving for food. What if the craving for food is due to certain chemical common in both sugar and aspartame? In that case, both of these would result in similar level of craving for food. The author cites no counter-effects of sugar. Furthermore, the author talks about people under dietary regulation. In such case craving for food doesn’t mean excessive eating and adding extra pounds. The people might be well within the limits.

Secondly, the author speaks about another study where sugar has been found to be supplementing body’s ability to burn fat in a certain circumstance and hence draws conclusion that aspartame consuming people will lose this benefit. But the author cites no study of counter-effects of aspartame. Like the earlier example, this evidence is also drawn on false assumption that since one is good, the other must be bad. What if aspartame helps to burn the fats in a rate two times that of sugar? There is no reference or statement regarding effects of aspartame in similar circumstances.

Additionally, the author mentions no demographic details about the test sample and entire population. If the target audience of the message is in the age group of 20-30 and the test results are based on the age group 60-70, then the conclusion drawn would be vague and misleading. The body metabolism and response to nutrients is different for both the cases.

In conclusion, since sugar and aspartame are not explicitly stated to have mutually exclusive chemical composition and to be polar opposites, this cannot be assumed in drawing conclusions about one based on the studies of the other. The author repeatedly does the same mistake in both examples, hence fails to strengthen the argument lacking substantial evidence. The argument can be strengthened by providing test results of both aspartame and sugar under same test conditions for the same purpose. Else, if the author holds any assumption about complementary effects of the two, this must be cited in the context with appropriate evidence and references. Finally, the author must mention about the test sample and target audience relevancy in doing the same.

After I wrote this essay, I referred some other essays and tips. And now I am confused with following doubts:

Additionally, please let me know my area of improvement.

I have always been a descriptive writer and cutting it short is really a big thing.
And I am having trouble to keep my words simple.
Reading too much is not good always.

himzverma · Answer

The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that sugar is better than artificial sweetener aspartame since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. It does not provide any relevant reasons to prove that aspartame causes weight gain . Hence the argument is weak and unconvincing.

Firstly the argument assumes that aspartame causes weight gain. It does not provide any evidence to prove this claim . Weight gain can be due to some other reasons which argument fails to mention. It does not provide any correlation between aspartame and weight gain .

Secondly the argument claims that high level of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the chemical of a brain the registers the sense of being full. Without any evidence it is irrelevant to say that this depletion of chemical is occurring due to aspartame. There can be some other factors which causes the depletion of the chemical.

Moreover the argument claims that if sugar is consumed after 45 minutes of exercise then it enhance the body's ability to burn fat. The author readily assumes that the sugar causes weight loss and fails to consider that the 45 minutes of continuous exercise is the reason for fat burn. In addition the author assumes that drinking artificial sweetened juices after exercise will cause weight gain. It does not provide any relevant factor to explain the claim.

Can you please review this AWA?

vroldao · Answer

Hey, nice writing the 1st. Indeed you could have the conclusion a bit shorter and punchier, but that's all. I believe you missed an important flaw: the 1st phrase states that any person replacing sugar for Aspartame are better off with sugar. This statement implies that even people who do it for health causes (and, why not, taste) are better off with sugar. Then the entire development is related to dietary only. So the conclusion is too broad for the premises given.
Yet, i don't know how important is it to identify all possible flaws in GMAT. From the texts i've seen and from my personal experience from a previous gmat i did i'd say you have a 6.

as for the 2nd text, you definitely need to write more. If you try some online platforms you'll notice that word count is one of the key factors.

Here goes my version. it would be very helpfull if someone could provide feedback. according to gmatawa.com it scores a perfect 6. but i dont really trust the platform...

"The argument claims that people should consume sugar instead of Aspartame sweetener on the grounds that Aspartame can contribute to weight gain. Stated this way the argument provides a limited view of the reality by assuming that people only take artificial sweetener for dietary purposes and fails to provide support to defend its premises. The argument is therefore flawed as I further explain below.

First, the argument wrongly assumes that people only take aspartame sweetener for weight loss purposes. It fails to identify many other reasons that can justify such option. For instance, the sweetener may taste different than sugar and may thus be a replacement for people who dislike sugar. It might be the case that the sweetener taste the same as sugar, but such information is not provided and thus cannot be assumed by the reader. Another possible reason that leads people to replace sugar for an artificial sweetener might be health related issues. That should be the case with people with diabetes who should avoid sugar intake but still want a sweet taste in their food or drinks.

Second, although it has been proven that Aspartame triggers craving for food no relation has been provided between craving for food and actual food consumption. That would be an obvious but wrong assumption to make. People who consume Aspartame might be aware of its side effects and thus avoid following their internal instincts to eat.

Third, the argument implies that the consumption of Aspartame after 45 minutes of continuous work-out does not have the same effect as sugar by stating that sugar has such effect and saying nothing about Aspartame. Perhaps it has been proven that Aspartame cannot have that effect or perhaps it has not been studied at all. Moreover, Aspartame may indeed have that effect but the author either does not know or simply foregoes mentioning it. In the end, if the information is not provided, it is impossible to assess the validity of the premise.

In summary, the argument is flawed in different ways thus failing to be convincing. It could have been made more convincing had the author narrowed the conclusion to involve only Aspartame consumption for dietary purposes and provided enough support for the premises."

redabkf · Answer

Please take a look at this AWA and rate it accordingly. Would you give it a 4.5?

Chimoma · Answer

Please rate my essay.

The argument that people who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar as the sweetener can contribute to weight gain omits important concerns that need to be addressed to support the argument. The statements made concerning high levels of aspartame triggering a craving for food, sugar ability to enhance the body’s ability to burn fat, and those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices do little to fully support the argument. This information alone does not compose a logical argument in favor of consuming sugar rather than the artificial sweetener aspartame, and it does not provide support for the main argument.

Most importantly, the argument does not address the types of food being craved, the number of minutes people who are trying to lose weight typically are able to exercise continuously, or the amount of sugar that needs to be consumed to enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. First, the argument assumes that triggering a craving for food would negatively impact a person’s weight loss goal. However, there is no information given about the impact one’s diet has on these triggered cravings. If an individual has shifted their diet to only include healthy foods, there is no indication against the possibility that the sweetener would cause an increased craving for only those foods and not foods included in a previous unhealthy diet.

Second, the argument does not address the number of minutes of continuous exercise people who are trying to lose weight are able to perform in a day. If an individual was unable to exercise to the point of the minimum 45 minutes, he or she may not need to switch from using the sweetener to sugar as there is no evidence given that sugar enhances the body’s ability to burn fat after exercise of less than 45 minutes.

Finally, even if an individual consumes sugar to aid the body in burning fat after a workout, there is no information given about the proper amount of sugar to consume. If a grossly large amount of sugar was consumed, there is no knowledge given that it would not slowdown the body’s ability to burn fat and continuing to consume aspartame-sweetened juices thus may be the better option.

Overall, because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above, the argument would have been much more thorough and convincing. In order to assess the merit of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/6
The essay presents a well-connected and coherent argument. The writer clearly states the argument in the introduction and proceeds to evaluate it systematically in the body paragraphs. The transitions between paragraphs and sentences are effective, making the essay easy to follow.

Word structure: 6/6
The essay demonstrates strong word structure. The sentences are clear, concise, and to the point. The writer uses appropriate vocabulary to convey their ideas and maintains a consistent tone throughout the essay.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5.5/6
The essay has a clear paragraph structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea. The writer supports each claim with evidence and examples. However, some of the paragraphs could be more concise and better organized.

Language and Grammar: 6/6
The essay demonstrates excellent language and grammar usage. The sentences are grammatically correct, and the writer uses proper punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5.5/6
The writer uses appropriate vocabulary and expressions to convey their ideas. However, there are a few instances where the writer could have used more precise and concise language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and connectivity, word structure, paragraph structure and formation, language and grammar, and vocabulary and word expression, earning a score of 5.5 out of 6. The writer's analysis of the argument is thorough and well-supported, but there is room for improvement in terms of organization and precision of language.

Yankeesaregreat · Answer

Could someone please grade my essay? Also, what is the best approach to take before you start writing (i.e. should an outline be created?, identify the argument's flaws then begin writing?, etc.)?

The argument presented claims that individuals who consume sugar rather than aspartame are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals. This argument is flawed since it fails to consider alternative causes and to provide sufficient evidence.

The first flaw in the argument stems from the discussion on how sugar and aspartame impact people’s weight. The author goes into detail about how aspartame depletes “the brain of a chemical that registers satiety”, which gives humans the sense of being full. The premise fails to consider if there is an alternative cause that results in a reduction in the chemical. It could be possible that something else in an individual’s diet is causing a loss in the sense of being full. Without ruling out other possible causes, the argument is flawed and subject to counterarguments.

The author mentions a study that shows if sugar is consumed shortly after a workout, the sugar could improve the ability to burn fat. This premise is a flaw since it fails to provide sufficient evidence to prove consuming sugar is better than ingesting aspartame. Specific details about the study should be mentioned by the author to show that this evidence applies to any person. Factors such as the population of the study or how intense the workout was prior to the consumption of sugar are critical for the reader to evaluate if the study proves sugar is helpful to eat after a workout. To resolve this flaw, the study should be described in more detail to persuade readers that sugar is good to ingest after a workout.

The argument fails to address alternative causes and incorporate clear evidence. The author should address these two aforementioned issues to improve the conclusion.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/6
The essay has a clear structure and the ideas are logically connected to each other. However, there are some instances where the ideas could have been better connected, especially in the second paragraph.

Word structure: 6/6
The writer uses appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures to convey their argument effectively.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5/6
The paragraphs are well-formed and each paragraph addresses a specific point. However, the second paragraph could have been better organized to improve the flow of ideas.

Language and Grammar: 6/6
The essay is well-written with minimal grammatical errors. The language is clear and concise, making it easy to understand.

Vocabulary and word expression: 6/6
The writer uses a wide range of vocabulary and word expressions to effectively communicate their argument.

Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively analyzes the argument presented. The writer highlights some flaws in the argument and suggests ways to improve it. The essay could have been improved by better connecting some of the ideas and organizing the second paragraph more effectively. However, overall, the essay effectively evaluates the reasoning and evidence presented in the argument.

shoemugger · Answer

Could someone please review my essay?

The prompt claims that the consumption of aspartame yields less benefits than the consumption of sugar. This statement is intrinsically flawed as the essay does not take into account the general population of individuals who use aspartame, provide quantitative rationale surrounding the studies presented, or detail how aspartame fairs in the studies mentioned. The conclusion is thus flawed as it relies on assumptions that are weak and unconvincing.

Firstly, it can be reasonably assumed that the population consuming aspartame may be doing so due to negative health implications of sugar consumption. Diabetics and insulin resistant individuals would tend to fall into this category as their bodies do not have the ability to deal with increased sugar levels in their bloodstreams. The argument does not take such health complications into consideration and instead provides a sweeping notion that all individuals who consume sugar are better off. The argument would be strengthened if the author made the distinction on the population he is referring to.

Further, the case does not present quantitative proof to the benefits of sugar consumption. Does the caloric saving of satiety or the increased caloric burn after exercise overcome the caloric consumption of sugar? Without such details, the argument fails to properly describe the benefits of sugar consumption over aspartame. Additionally, the author does not provide any details about the studies, such as sample size, authors, or the institutions that funded them. This information is critical if we are to accept such studies as a basis for the argument and without convincing answers to these questions, the case cannot be accepted.

Finally, the argument does not provide a like-for-like comparison between aspartame and offers no insight into how an individual's body responds to consumption of aspartame after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise. For all intents and purposes, it could provide an even higher caloric burn than sugar, but we cannot be sure of such a statement until we have more information on the topic.

In conclusion, the argument presented is flawed for the abovementioned reasons and is unconvincing. It could be improved if the author specified who the intended audience is, provided quantifiable proof to their claims, and provided a like-for-like comparison between sugar and aspartame when showcasing studies.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/6

The essay is generally well-organized and easy to follow. Each paragraph presents a distinct point and the overall structure of the essay is effective. However, there are some instances where the connection between sentences could be improved for greater coherence.

Word structure: 6/6

The essay makes effective use of word structure and employs a varied and precise vocabulary throughout.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5.5/6

Each paragraph is well-formed and presents a clear point. However, there are a few instances where the paragraph structure could be improved for greater clarity and focus.

Language and Grammar: 6/6

The essay demonstrates strong language and grammar skills, with clear and concise sentence construction, effective use of punctuation, and few errors.

Vocabulary and word expression: 6/6

The vocabulary and word expression used in the essay is precise, varied, and effective in conveying the author's points.

Overall score: 5.5/6

The essay is well-written and effectively conveys the author's points. However, there are some instances where the coherence and connectivity between sentences could be improved for greater clarity and focus.

aadiraaa · Answer

Please evaluvate my essay. Thanks in advance!

The editorial of a newspaper argues against the use of aspartame, going as far as to claim sugar is better alternative. They state, high levels of aspartame triggers food cravings and consuming aspartame after 45 minutes of exercise vs sugar, reduces the fat burning capability of our body. This argument is flawed as it contains many baseless assumptions about aspartame in general and its consumers. Furthermore, it also raises questions about cause of certain effects that is mentioned.

For instance, the argument claims that high levels of aspartame in the body leads to increased cravings for food through certain neurological processes. The argument assumes aspartame is the reason for this increase in craving and doesn’t discuss other sources for this increase. Furthermore, it raises the question of how high the aspartame levels need to be to trigger this response and how it compares to the daily allowed/suggested limit. Those numbers in addition to the average levels of aspartame consumed will strengthen the argument.

In addition, the argument also claims consuming sugar after 45 minutes of continuous exercise enhances the body’s ability to burn fat. And that consuming aspartame instead leads to a loss of this ability. The argument again fails to provide any concrete numbers as to how high or how long this effect lasts and how much this process is disrupted by the consumption of aspartame.

Finally, the author assumes that people who consume aspartame do so for weight loss purposes. The author fails to consider other possible uses for aspartame and the streotypes all the users of aspartame which further reduces the validity of the argument.

A comprehensive review of the assumptions the author makes and answer to the questions raised above will give a full picture of the consumption of aspartame versus the birds eye view the author has taken. Having all the evidence reviewed and scrutinizing the various assumptions the author raises will help evaluate the consumption of aspartame and the argument raised by the author that consuming sugar is better than aspartame.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5 - 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity (5.5/6):
The essay exhibits a high level of coherence and connectivity. Each paragraph is logically linked to the preceding one, creating a smooth flow of ideas. The writer effectively uses transitional phrases like "For instance," and "In addition" to connect different points. The ideas progress in a clear and organized manner, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Word structure (5.5/6):
The essay demonstrates a strong command of word structure. Sentences are well-constructed, and the vocabulary used is precise and appropriate. There is a good variety of sentence structures, contributing to the overall readability of the essay. The writer effectively conveys their ideas without unnecessary complexity or ambiguity.

Paragraph structure and formation (5.5/6):
Paragraphs are well-structured, with each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction provides a concise overview of the main points to be discussed, and each subsequent paragraph addresses a particular flaw in the argument. The conclusion summarizes the key points and suggests a more comprehensive approach to evaluating the consumption of aspartame. Overall, the essay effectively employs paragraph structure to organize and present ideas.

Language and Grammar (5.5/6):
The language used is clear, precise, and grammatically sound. There are minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("the" before "daily allowed/suggested limit") and slight awkwardness in some sentences. However, these issues do not significantly impede comprehension. The essay effectively conveys the intended meaning, and the language choices contribute to the overall persuasiveness of the response.

Vocabulary and word expression (5.5/6):
The essay employs a varied and appropriate vocabulary. The writer uses terminology relevant to the topic, such as "neurological processes," "daily allowed/suggested limit," and "stereotypes." The vocabulary enhances the clarity and specificity of the arguments. There are instances where more concise wording could improve expression, but overall, the vocabulary contributes positively to the essay's effectiveness.

Overall, the essay is well-crafted, demonstrating strong coherence, effective word structure, well-organized paragraphs, sound language and grammar usage, and an appropriate and varied vocabulary. The essay effectively analyzes the line of reasoning and identifies key assumptions in the given argument, offering thoughtful suggestions for improvement.

People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu

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