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19 Dec 2012, 13:47
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seantsghost
If I were Wharton, I'd hire a Chief Panic Officer. The CPO would be responsible for inciting absolute panic amongst all of the applicants. Key responsibilities would include:
1) Calling just 5-10 people the day before the decision release date to let them know they were accepted. Just enough to have word spread that "phone calls were being made" and cause mass hysteria for the 99% of applicants that didn't receive a phone call.
2) Continually enabling and disabling aspects of the online application and MyWharton page. Activities range from modifying links to changing the number of info boxes shown online. Randomly inserting the word CONGRATULATIONS on the online app and then taking it down 10 minutes later would be worth bonus points.
3) Sending mass emails regarding financial aid to a random sample of 25% of applicants.
4) Announcing to all applicants that "the process is going to be different this year," but not saying how.
5) Announcing to all applicants that due to an overwhelming number of applicants this year, decisions wouldn't be released until Christmas Day. Retract that statement a few days later and say that brand new people have been hired to review applications in response to the high volume.
