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Can you review my Toefl Essay

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Joined: 20 Jun 2017
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Can you review my Toefl Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Jun 2017, 21:19
Hello sir.I want some help from you.Please review my toefl essay.

Essay topic: Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Do you agree or disagree?

The assertion that young people enjoy life more than older people do is a controversial one. On one hand young people enjoy life more than older people do. On the other hand older people enjoy life more then young people do. Yet, young people enjoy life more than older people do.

Firstly, entertainment devices like television, radio, club and theater are more nowadays. So, young people have many things for entertainment. And young people may have more choices for fun than older people.Moreover, young people have less responsibility than older people.Thus, young adults may freely enjoy their life.

Secondly, the ideas , thoughts , customs and rituals may change from one generation to another. So, orthodox family become liberal nowadays. And today most of the children have freedom to live his life in his own way. For example , young adults have freedom to go to club , cinema. Thus, young people may have more freedom than older people. Therefore, young people may enjoy all the things in their life.

Lastly, young people have all the facilities for live better life. For example , adults have their own car , smart phone , personal television and laptop. With the help of this facilities adults life become easier. However, old people doesn't have this type of facilities in their time. So, most of the time was wasted for going one place to another.

Therefore, young people have many facilities, many entertainment devices and less responsibilities than older people. Hence, young people enjoy life more than older people do.
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Re: Can you review my Toefl Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 21 Jun 2017, 06:45
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Quote:
The assertion that young people enjoy life more than older people do is a controversial one. On one hand young people enjoy life more than older people do. On the other hand older people enjoy life more then young people do. Yet, young people enjoy life more than older people do.


Very poor just only the introduction. You need to improve a lot if you apsitre to a decent score

See the TORLF announcemnts for good resources to improve your english, overall, and the preparation for the toefl ibt

Regards
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Re: Can you review my Toefl Essay   [#permalink] 21 Jun 2017, 06:45

Can you review my Toefl Essay

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