AWA Score: 5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good LuckMario79
Hi! Could you guys please give me your opinion on this essay? I had some trouble finishing it on time and maybe it´s not fully developed, but feedback would still be highly appreciated! Thank you!!
Argument:
The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life: "Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies."
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.
Essay:
The previous passage presents the city of Helios as an ideal location for companies and businesses. Yet the argument contains various flaws, primarily a notorious lack of evidence and details, which may arise doubt.
Firstly, the argument suggests that the fact Helios´ unemployment rate didn´t decrease as much as that of other cities in the region, is somewhat proof that the location is immune to any recession´s effects. Apart from being a bold generalization, the word “lower”, as employed in the text, is quite vague, as it doesn´t give an actual figure and therefore makes one doubt if the unemployment rate in Helios was so significantly lower than in other places as it is being assumed. An exact number would result more convincing.
Also, the argument makes a notorious flaw when assuming that, as Helios had “historically” provided significant manufactoring Jobs, it will continue to do so. There are countless examples of major regional industries which, due to changing trends, have had to close down in a very short time span. If data supporting that the manufacturing industries in Helios were projected to have a promising future had been provided, the argument would have been more solid.
Thirdly, there is no detail providing insight into the city´s plans to attract companies. No actual iniciatives are described, which cast doubt onto the important assumption that Helios would actually succeed in this endeavor.
Taking into account the points explained above, it could be concluded that the argument fails to successfully convince the reader that Helios is the perfect business hub it suggests it is.