In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent- REVIEW PLEASE

This is my first AWA essay and I am not satisfied with it. can someone please review it and tell me what are the flaws.

The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:

"In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television."


The argument claims that attendance at the city’s museum will start to decrease because television program about visual arts, the appearance of which increase visitors to the museum, might not appear on television anymore. Since corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual art programs appear, is being threatened to decrease. Hence, some of the city’s fund for supporting the art should allocate to public television. Stated in this way argument fails to mention several key factors, based on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument claims that decrease in the number of a television program on art will lead to decrease in attendance of city’s museum by assuming that attendance of city’s museum is increased because people get motivated after watching a television program about visual art. But it could be possible that the group of people watched a television program and the group of people visit the museum are different. The increase in attendance could be because of the increase in the number of tourist in city frequenting museums or an increase in the number of children visit the museum as an awareness program organized by a school or museum. So, it possible that despite a decrease in the number of television programs about visual art attendance in the city’s museum can increase or remain the same.
Second, the argument assumes that funds provided by corporate offices are all allocated to a television program about visual art. It is possible that funds provided by corporate offices to public television are used to produce television program about a different theme like sports, economic affairs, etc., then it would be highly unlikely that production of a television program about visual art gets affected. The argument will be much clearer if the author explicitly mentions how corporate funds are being used.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mention reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It would be much clearer if the author mentions all relevant facts and details.