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19 Aug 2022, 23:07
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Can anyone please rate my writing on this matter? Thank you so much!
Question is from 2022 GMAT official practice test:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the soundtrack."
My answer:
In the article, the author draws a conclusion that there must be some additional reasons other than noisiness causing motorcycles made by the foreign company to sell less than the local manufacturer, motorcycle X. In support of this argument, the author cites that some other foreign cars are quieter than similar American-made ones, but they sell at least equally well; meanwhile, television advertisements for Motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek outline design instead of its noisiness, and the advisements use rock music or voice-over as the background soundtrack, instead of engine noise. This statement, paired with the assumption that advertisements’ formality somehow plays a solid role in explaining the sales of two motorcycles contributes to the author’s argument. However, the author omits several important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument, which is fraught with vague, oversimplified, and unwarranted claims.
To begin with, the author assumed that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, and yet sell at least as well, the foreign company mentioned in the article is a foreign company, so it should be selling equally well. However, this assumption is unfounded. There could be other reasons that other foreign cars are selling well as American-made cars; for example, the cars have more exotic designs and a better, more powerful engine, and the other factors compensate for customers’ preference for a loud and noisy engine. It is recommended for the author to conduct a more detailed survey with a broader range of customers to figure out why they prefer other foreign cars even with a less noisy engine.
Secondly, it is assumed in the article that advertisements promote durability and sleek outlines of motorcycle X instead of its noisiness, so the noise engine is not a selling point of motorcycle X and certainly now a quality that attracts consumers. However, this assumption is flawed. The reason that the noise is not advertised could be that the noisiness is an implied, however, well-established information for all consumers. In other words, motorcycle X is famous for its loud engine, so there is no need for the brand to repeat its well-known brand quality again and again. Motorcycle X is trying to find something new to feed the market and attract more potential customers. The author can make a more detailed and complete investigation on whether the noisiness is a well-known branding representative for motorcycle X.
Thirdly, another assumption was made that voice-overs or rock music are played in advertainments for motorcycle X instead of engine noise, so the noise must not be the reason for the foreign company to sell less than motorcycle X. This assumption is flawed in many ways. Drivers could very well enjoy the noise while driving the car, but not while watching a television commercial. Car driving experience and television watching experience are not compatible.
In conclusion, with the flaws discussed above, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make this argument more logically acceptable, the author must provide more sufficient information about the circumstances the customers do enjoy the noise. Additionally, to better assess the statement, the author should clarify how motorcycle advertisements are made and how are the marketing ideas created based on audiences’ preferences. Only with more concrete and compelling evidence could this argument become more convincing and thorough.
Question is from 2022 GMAT official practice test:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the soundtrack."
My answer:
In the article, the author draws a conclusion that there must be some additional reasons other than noisiness causing motorcycles made by the foreign company to sell less than the local manufacturer, motorcycle X. In support of this argument, the author cites that some other foreign cars are quieter than similar American-made ones, but they sell at least equally well; meanwhile, television advertisements for Motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek outline design instead of its noisiness, and the advisements use rock music or voice-over as the background soundtrack, instead of engine noise. This statement, paired with the assumption that advertisements’ formality somehow plays a solid role in explaining the sales of two motorcycles contributes to the author’s argument. However, the author omits several important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument, which is fraught with vague, oversimplified, and unwarranted claims.
To begin with, the author assumed that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, and yet sell at least as well, the foreign company mentioned in the article is a foreign company, so it should be selling equally well. However, this assumption is unfounded. There could be other reasons that other foreign cars are selling well as American-made cars; for example, the cars have more exotic designs and a better, more powerful engine, and the other factors compensate for customers’ preference for a loud and noisy engine. It is recommended for the author to conduct a more detailed survey with a broader range of customers to figure out why they prefer other foreign cars even with a less noisy engine.
Secondly, it is assumed in the article that advertisements promote durability and sleek outlines of motorcycle X instead of its noisiness, so the noise engine is not a selling point of motorcycle X and certainly now a quality that attracts consumers. However, this assumption is flawed. The reason that the noise is not advertised could be that the noisiness is an implied, however, well-established information for all consumers. In other words, motorcycle X is famous for its loud engine, so there is no need for the brand to repeat its well-known brand quality again and again. Motorcycle X is trying to find something new to feed the market and attract more potential customers. The author can make a more detailed and complete investigation on whether the noisiness is a well-known branding representative for motorcycle X.
Thirdly, another assumption was made that voice-overs or rock music are played in advertainments for motorcycle X instead of engine noise, so the noise must not be the reason for the foreign company to sell less than motorcycle X. This assumption is flawed in many ways. Drivers could very well enjoy the noise while driving the car, but not while watching a television commercial. Car driving experience and television watching experience are not compatible.
In conclusion, with the flaws discussed above, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make this argument more logically acceptable, the author must provide more sufficient information about the circumstances the customers do enjoy the noise. Additionally, to better assess the statement, the author should clarify how motorcycle advertisements are made and how are the marketing ideas created based on audiences’ preferences. Only with more concrete and compelling evidence could this argument become more convincing and thorough.
20 Aug 2022, 04:20
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AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
Julie725
Can anyone please rate my writing on this matter? Thank you so much!
Question is from 2022 GMAT official practice test:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the soundtrack."
My answer:
In the article, the author draws a conclusion that there must be some additional reasons other than noisiness causing motorcycles made by the foreign company to sell less than the local manufacturer, motorcycle X. In support of this argument, the author cites that some other foreign cars are quieter than similar American-made ones, but they sell at least equally well; meanwhile, television advertisements for Motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek outline design instead of its noisiness, and the advisements use rock music or voice-over as the background soundtrack, instead of engine noise. This statement, paired with the assumption that advertisements’ formality somehow plays a solid role in explaining the sales of two motorcycles contributes to the author’s argument. However, the author omits several important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument, which is fraught with vague, oversimplified, and unwarranted claims.
To begin with, the author assumed that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, and yet sell at least as well, the foreign company mentioned in the article is a foreign company, so it should be selling equally well. However, this assumption is unfounded. There could be other reasons that other foreign cars are selling well as American-made cars; for example, the cars have more exotic designs and a better, more powerful engine, and the other factors compensate for customers’ preference for a loud and noisy engine. It is recommended for the author to conduct a more detailed survey with a broader range of customers to figure out why they prefer other foreign cars even with a less noisy engine.
Secondly, it is assumed in the article that advertisements promote durability and sleek outlines of motorcycle X instead of its noisiness, so the noise engine is not a selling point of motorcycle X and certainly now a quality that attracts consumers. However, this assumption is flawed. The reason that the noise is not advertised could be that the noisiness is an implied, however, well-established information for all consumers. In other words, motorcycle X is famous for its loud engine, so there is no need for the brand to repeat its well-known brand quality again and again. Motorcycle X is trying to find something new to feed the market and attract more potential customers. The author can make a more detailed and complete investigation on whether the noisiness is a well-known branding representative for motorcycle X.
Thirdly, another assumption was made that voice-overs or rock music are played in advertainments for motorcycle X instead of engine noise, so the noise must not be the reason for the foreign company to sell less than motorcycle X. This assumption is flawed in many ways. Drivers could very well enjoy the noise while driving the car, but not while watching a television commercial. Car driving experience and television watching experience are not compatible.
In conclusion, with the flaws discussed above, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make this argument more logically acceptable, the author must provide more sufficient information about the circumstances the customers do enjoy the noise. Additionally, to better assess the statement, the author should clarify how motorcycle advertisements are made and how are the marketing ideas created based on audiences’ preferences. Only with more concrete and compelling evidence could this argument become more convincing and thorough.
Question is from 2022 GMAT official practice test:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the soundtrack."
My answer:
In the article, the author draws a conclusion that there must be some additional reasons other than noisiness causing motorcycles made by the foreign company to sell less than the local manufacturer, motorcycle X. In support of this argument, the author cites that some other foreign cars are quieter than similar American-made ones, but they sell at least equally well; meanwhile, television advertisements for Motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek outline design instead of its noisiness, and the advisements use rock music or voice-over as the background soundtrack, instead of engine noise. This statement, paired with the assumption that advertisements’ formality somehow plays a solid role in explaining the sales of two motorcycles contributes to the author’s argument. However, the author omits several important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument, which is fraught with vague, oversimplified, and unwarranted claims.
To begin with, the author assumed that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, and yet sell at least as well, the foreign company mentioned in the article is a foreign company, so it should be selling equally well. However, this assumption is unfounded. There could be other reasons that other foreign cars are selling well as American-made cars; for example, the cars have more exotic designs and a better, more powerful engine, and the other factors compensate for customers’ preference for a loud and noisy engine. It is recommended for the author to conduct a more detailed survey with a broader range of customers to figure out why they prefer other foreign cars even with a less noisy engine.
Secondly, it is assumed in the article that advertisements promote durability and sleek outlines of motorcycle X instead of its noisiness, so the noise engine is not a selling point of motorcycle X and certainly now a quality that attracts consumers. However, this assumption is flawed. The reason that the noise is not advertised could be that the noisiness is an implied, however, well-established information for all consumers. In other words, motorcycle X is famous for its loud engine, so there is no need for the brand to repeat its well-known brand quality again and again. Motorcycle X is trying to find something new to feed the market and attract more potential customers. The author can make a more detailed and complete investigation on whether the noisiness is a well-known branding representative for motorcycle X.
Thirdly, another assumption was made that voice-overs or rock music are played in advertainments for motorcycle X instead of engine noise, so the noise must not be the reason for the foreign company to sell less than motorcycle X. This assumption is flawed in many ways. Drivers could very well enjoy the noise while driving the car, but not while watching a television commercial. Car driving experience and television watching experience are not compatible.
In conclusion, with the flaws discussed above, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make this argument more logically acceptable, the author must provide more sufficient information about the circumstances the customers do enjoy the noise. Additionally, to better assess the statement, the author should clarify how motorcycle advertisements are made and how are the marketing ideas created based on audiences’ preferences. Only with more concrete and compelling evidence could this argument become more convincing and thorough.
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