My first attempt on AWA

Question

Hi everyone! I have 1 week left until GMAT and just did my first AWA. Would be very grateful for any suggestions for improvement or even an estimation of score for it.

Cheers,
Fredrik

Argument:

My answer:

The author claims that President Leonard must be recalled because of economic stagnation which is assumed to be attributed to the president. This conclusion is based on that President Leonards actions actually are the cause of the economic stagnation, which is not obvious from the argument. Therefore, the conclusion is relies on weak premises, making it unconvincing.

First, it is implied that the above average unemployment rate is the fault of the president. While it could be the case that he has made decisions that caused the unemployment rate to rise, there is certainly not any convincing proof that it would be so. The high unemployment rate might be a consequence of various different factors. For instance, there could be a global recession, causing economic stagnation worldwide. It could also have been caused by the actions of the previous president, whose effects are delayed. Without any clear link between the actions of the president and the unemployment rate, the argument remains flawed.

Second, the author uses the fact that the approval rating of the president is below 50% as a reason to recall him to get the citizens back to employment. Even though the low approval rate could be caused by actions done by the president, perhaps an increase in minimum wage, which could have reinforced the unemployment rate, it is not at all obvious from the argument. In fact, it is not uncommon that the people feel unsatisfied with their current conditions, falsely attributing their situation to their current leader and therefore disapprove him. Also, the low approval rating does not necessarily need to be caused by high unemployment rate, but could be due to other policies that the president has introduced.

Finally, this argument is flawed for several reasons. The author draws a conclusion that the president must be recalled because of the current bad economic conditions, without any clear evidence that the president actually has caused the economic stagnation. To make the argument more convincing, the author could have provided examples of actions that the president has done to cause the increase in unemployment. He could also have given evidence linking the approval rating to specific choices made by the president. Without clearer evidence of causality between the president and the economic conditions, one cannot be sure that he is the cause the problems and the argument remains unconvincing.

CrackverbalGMAT · Answer

I think you need to allocate some time towards the end to remove any grammatical mistakes. I will point out the more obvious ones -

"This conclusion is based on  that  President  Leonards  actions"  - I think you meant "based on the belief that". You need an apostrophe here - "Leonard's".
 "Therefore, the conclusion  is  relies on weak premises"  - remove the "is".
" It could also have been caused by the actions of the previous president,  whose  effects are delayed ." - "whose" refers to the previous President.
 "Even though the low approval rate could be caused by actions done by the president, perhaps an increase in minimum wage, which could have reinforced the unemployment rate, it is not at all obvious from the argument."  - It is not clear what you are trying to say. Perhaps, you could simplify the sentence.
" Finally, this argument is flawed for several reasons. " - Not clear what you are trying to do here. this sentence seems to imply that several more reasons follow, but then none do.

You can also add more points to your essay argument. You do not need to include all of them. Try to challenge each sentence - 
An approval rating below 50% is not necessarily dire. What was the average approval rating of previous presidents? Probably the current President's rating is much higher than the historical average.
Unemployment rate is not the only indicator of economic stagnation. What if his performance on other economic indicators are stellar?
What if international conflicts caused the unemployment rate to be higher than average? Probably companies in conflict zones that outsource jobs shut down
What if the unemployment rate would have much higher than it is now if someone else were the President? He probably brought it down to its current levels. It would have been much higher otherwise.
What if the unemployment rate has reduced from its previous high during the tenure of the previous President? (even though the unemployment rate is higher than its historical average)
What if there are no qualified candidates for the Presidency? What if other candidates make the situation even worse?
Are there are positive signs of improvement in the economy? If there are, then it seems that his policies are working.
What if the Senate and the House are responsible for economic stagnation?
What if recalling the President results in power vacuum and make the situation even worse?

Gnawk · Answer

Thanks a lot for the thorough answer! Definitely going to re-read my answer more carefully next time and also to expand my points.

Gnawk · Answer

Did a second attempt at AWA, 4 days until test day. This time I managed the time a bit better so I could spend time re-reading the text. I think my grammar is better in this one, but content-wise maybe a bit worse. If anyone has time to read and comment I am again super grateful. Cheers!

My total scores on GMAT practice tests were:
490 (before any studying)
620 (~1 week ago)
630 (few days ago)
620 (today)

Do you guys think AWA is on about the same level?

My answer:

"The author claims that in order to improve the postal service the price of postage stamps should be increased. The reasoning is that a higher price will lead to larger revenues and also a lower quantity of mail, which in turn will improve the morale. The argument relies on weak premises, which make the conclusion unconvincing.

First, the suggestion of increasing the price of postage stamps in order to improve postal service is not necessarily going to be effective. What if the prices already are high? If the prices are increased, thus decreasing the volume of mail, the post companies might experience a loss in profit. For example, this could lead to the employers cutting wages for the employees or even firing some of them. This could potentially lead to an opposite effect on the morale than what the author assumed. The lower morale could therefore possibly lead to the post officers providing even worse service for the customers.

Second, the author seems to assume that the problem of the postal service lies on the financial performance of the post companies. There is no evidence at all proving that is the case. What if the bad postal service stems from other factors, such as rough work environment or bad management? If that is the case, a change in financial performance will not necessarily improve the situation. A better solution in that case would have been to focus on fixing those problems.

Finally, the conclusion about improved postal service is based assumptions about the reasons for bad postal service for which there are no clear evidence. To make it more convincing, the author could have provided information of the current prices of postage stamps or a survey of the employed post officers opinion about their work environment. Without further information about the causes of the bad postal service, no strong conclusion can be drawn and the argument remains unconvincing."

My first attempt on AWA

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