Please grade my AWA Essay

Abhishek essay vegetarian

Prompt-

The following is a memo from the manager of Cook’s Books, a local bookstore.

New evidence suggests that many more people are becoming vegetarians. At Johnson’s Supermarket sales of red meat and poultry have gone down 40% over the past three months. Furthermore, last month’s survey of Johnson’s customers revealed that they were unhappy with the quality of meat they bought from the store. In addition, over the past two months, Gourmet magazine, in which there was a special feature o healthy vegetarian recipes, sold out here and at several other locations across town. All of this evidence suggests that our buyers will purchase more vegetarian cook books in this month’s order, and we should expand our vegetarian cookbook collection.


RESPONSE 368 words

The argument claims that people are becoming more and more vegetarian due to decrease in Johnson’s supermarket sales of red meat and people are buying more gourmet magazines as it features special healthy vegetarian recipes. Hence, due to these facts, sales of vegetarian cook book will increase. The argument is based on illogical assumptions and miss out various key factors, on the basis of which argument can be evaluated. The conclusion relies on data, for which no evidence is provided. Therefore argument is weak and has several flaws in it.

First, the argument states that the sales of meat and poultry have gone down by 40% in Johnson supermarket, this statement is a stretch and not substantiated as it does not tells us about the source of the evidence. Even if source is not considered important, detailed statistics are not provided, that may give us data on whether there was reduction in sales on other food products as well or whether similar trend was seen in other supermarkets in that area.

Furthermore, it readily assumes that because the customers who were unhappy with quality of the meat will lead to decline in the preference of non-vegan food. Also did the survey of the customers at the supermarket consisted of all the customers or it was a small batch survey(size of 10-20 members).Plus in the survey, is there any information that sates whether the customers will not buy meat.

Third, the argument gives us information that gourmet magazine sold out in Johnson’s supermarket area and at several other locations due to special feature of healthy vegetarian recipes but it fails to provide information whether the magazine had only vegetarian recipes or there were also special non-vegetarian recipes due to which people might have bought the magazine.

There may be some small assumptions too, like, whether during the period of reduction in sales of meat and poultry did there was any religious festival due to which people were eating vegan food or maybe gourmet magazines sold out as there was special discount.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not persuasive. If it included the items discussed above, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

Comments:
Construction;
1. You could use more forceful verbiage regarding your criticism. You might say the argument rests on the fallacy of half-truths and self-contradictions. It admits the sales of meat came down 40% in a particular place because of poor quality and at the same time, the sales came down because of higher sales of vegetarian cookbooks. Therefore, this is a fallacy of dubious correlation of cause and effect that two phenomena are cause and effect just because both happened at the same time.

2. A the end of the essay, you might include something like the following
Vegetarianism grows because it is good by itself but not because meat is bad. -- An old Indian saying.
Grammar and spelling: The proof reading is as perfect as a software proof reading. Very good going and keep it up.
Flow: good
Rating: 5
Try to write another 100 to 125 words by citing your own study result, example, or analogy. This alone will fetch the highest 6 grade