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# Please rate my first AWA! Kudos for reviews :)

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 29 Jul 2012
Posts: 14

Kudos [?]: 79 [0], given: 18

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26 Jul 2013, 04:51
4
This post was
BOOKMARKED
"A recent survey commissioned by the market research department of XY Gen Stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen Stores. However, the survey also indicated that approximately 60% of those surveyed that recognized the name of XY Gen Stores had never shopped at one of the company's stores. Because of this result, XY Gen Stores executives should launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image and thereby bring new consumers into the stores.

The argument claims that XY Gen stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen stores and because of this recognition XY gen stores plans to launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image to attract new customers. Stated in this manner the argument fails to consider several key factors, on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument states that a recent survey indicated high recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel of XY Gen stores. The survey further states these customers never shopped at any of the company's stores. If the customers are first time buyers, then there is a chance that the customers may like or dislike the products. In order to assess the argument, we need to have knowledge about the repeat purchases and how the company has been performing in the past years - Has the company's performance been consistent or has it been fluctuating with sales that are above average for few years and below average for other years. If the argument had provided relevant statistics and evidence, the argument would be much clearer

Second, the argument relates two unrelated facts high recognition among customers will lead to increase in sales. For example, A company might be well known and popular among customers but might not have repeat sales because of various factors such as price, customer service, low quality apparel etc. The argument provides no information about the market segment, whether the apparel is catered towards high-end users or budget customers. Without the above mentioned information, it is difficult to evaluate the argument.

Finally, the author concludes that a significant rebranding and market campaign to change the company's image will bring new customers into the stores. The author provides no information about the quality of the apparel and the target segment. He assumes high recognition will lead to high sales. In order to predict future sales, one needs to have full knowledge past and current sales performance of the company. without convincing evidence and relevant figures and statistics, one is left with the impression that the claim is based on wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. Hence, the conclusion has no legs to stand on

To conclude,the argument has several flaws it could be substantially strengthened if the author had mentioned all the relevant facts and provided relevant examples. In order to assess the merits of the situation, one needs to have full knowledge of all relevant facts.

Kudos [?]: 79 [0], given: 18

Intern
Status: Yes. It was I who let the dogs out.
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
Posts: 42

Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

H: B
GMAT Date: 08-31-2013

### Show Tags

28 Jul 2013, 05:15
pnf619 wrote:
"A recent survey commissioned by the market research department of XY Gen Stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen Stores. However, the survey also indicated that approximately 60% of those surveyed that recognized the name of XY Gen Stores had never shopped at one of the company's stores. Because of this result, XY Gen Stores executives should launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image and thereby bring new consumers into the stores.

The argument claims that XY Gen stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen stores and because of this recognition XY gen stores plans to launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image to attract new customers. Stated in this manner the argument fails to consider several key factors, on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument states that a recent survey indicated high recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel of XY Gen stores. The survey further states these customers never shopped at any of the company's stores. If the customers are first time buyers, then there is a chance that the customers may like or dislike the products. In order to assess the argument, we need to have knowledge about the repeat purchases and how the company has been performing in the past years - Has the company's performance been consistent or has it been fluctuating with sales that are above average for few years and below average for other years. If the argument had provided relevant statistics and evidence, the argument would be much clearer

Second, the argument relates two unrelated facts high recognition among customers will lead to increase in sales. For example, A company might be well known and popular among customers but might not have repeat sales because of various factors such as price, customer service, low quality apparel etc. The argument provides no information about the market segment, whether the apparel is catered towards high-end users or budget customers. Without the above mentioned information, it is difficult to evaluate the argument.

Finally, the author concludes that a significant rebranding and market campaign to change the company's image will bring new customers into the stores. The author provides no information about the quality of the apparel and the target segment. He assumes high recognition will lead to high sales. In order to predict future sales, one needs to have full knowledge past and current sales performance of the company. without convincing evidence and relevant figures and statistics, one is left with the impression that the claim is based on wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. Hence, the conclusion has no legs to stand on

To conclude,the argument has several flaws it could be substantially strengthened if the author had mentioned all the relevant facts and provided relevant examples. In order to assess the merits of the situation, one needs to have full knowledge of all relevant facts.

Read the Official Sample Analysis of an Argument Question on the MBA.com Website at http://www.mba.com/the-gmat/test-structure-and-overview/analytical-writing-assessment-section/sample-analysis-of-an-argument-question.aspx

You can also purchase the GMAT Write 1 and Write 2 at http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/home.php?cat=299. for Essay writing and feedback.
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Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam.
Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays—
•Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument
•Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples
•Develop a clearly organized and coherent response
•Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English

With each $29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt. After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores. This practice tool will help you prepare for the GMAT exam, for business school, and for your career. http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/product.php?productid=16441&cat=299&page=1 GMAT Write™ 2 This web-based essay writing practice tool offers you real GMAT writing prompts along with feedback on how well your essays demonstrate your ability to think critically and communicate ideas. Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam. Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays— •Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument •Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples •Develop a clearly organized and coherent response •Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English With each$29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt.
After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores.

Current Analytical Writing Assessment Topics
You may download the complete list of current Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) Analysis of an Argument Topics used during the administration of the GMAT exam at
http://www.mba.com/~/media/Files/mba/NEWTheGMAT/AnalysisofanArgument100606.pdf.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
William Strunk, Jr. (1 July 1869 – 26 September 1946), was a professor of English at Cornell University and author of the The Elements of Style (1918), which, after being revised and enlarged by his former student E. B. White, became a highly influential guide to English usage during the late 20th century.

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=sr_1_1/186-8560226-2308145?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375054689&sr=1-1
The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition [Paperback]
William Strunk Jr. (Author), E. B. White (Author), Roger Angell (Foreword)

You can read the book online at http://www.bartleby.com/141/
The University of Amsterdam has the made the earlier edition of the book available in pdf at http://www.cs.vu.nl/~jms/doc/elos.pdf.
_________________

Yogi Bhajan: If you want to learn a thing, read that; if you want to know a thing, write that; if you want to master a thing, teach that.
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

Princeton Review Representative
Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Posts: 162

Kudos [?]: 431 [2], given: 0

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28 Jul 2013, 19:10
2
KUDOS
Expert's post
This essay is well thought out, well organized and contains few grammatical errors. The only points that could be taken off are for style because each paragraph reads in a similar way - I believe this essay would receive a score of 5 out of 6 or higher.
_________________

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Kudos [?]: 431 [2], given: 0

Intern
Status: Yes. It was I who let the dogs out.
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
Posts: 42

Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

H: B
GMAT Date: 08-31-2013

### Show Tags

28 Jul 2013, 20:10
BeckyRobinsonTPR wrote:
This essay is well thought out, well organized and contains few grammatical errors. The only points that could be taken off are for style because each paragraph reads in a similar way - I believe this essay would receive a score of 5 out of 6 or higher.

Dear Becky,

I was trying to gather more information about the scoring of the Analytical Writing Assessment. The only information available in the GMAT Handbook was as follows:
Scoring: 0.0-6.0
Each essay is scored at least twice, once by a human reader and once by a computer. The scores are all averaged to provide one section score, reported in intervals of 0.5.
Computer Score: c
Human Score: h
$$Reported Score = \frac{c+h}{2}$$

Could you please elaborate more on your scoring methodology and how you arrived at the score. e.g if I were to lay the following intervals for you. What in your opinion makes the essay fall in the intervals below ?

0.0 - 0.5
0.5 - 1.0
1.0 - 1.5
2.0 - 2.5
2.5 - 3.0
3.0 - 3.5
4.0 - 4.0
4.0 - 4.5
4.5 - 5.0
5.0 - 5.5
5.5 - 6.0

_________________

Yogi Bhajan: If you want to learn a thing, read that; if you want to know a thing, write that; if you want to master a thing, teach that.
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

Current Student
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Posts: 176

Kudos [?]: 361 [1], given: 73

Concentration: Sustainability, Entrepreneurship
GMAT 1: 770 Q50 V44
WE: Business Development (Internet and New Media)

### Show Tags

01 Aug 2013, 12:34
1
KUDOS
pnf619 wrote:
To conclude,the argument has several flaws it could be substantially strengthened if the author had mentioned all the relevant facts and provided relevant examples. In order to assess the merits of the situation, one needs to have full knowledge of all relevant facts.

I believe "it" should be replaced by "that"

An overdose of "relevant". I would recommend redoing this last bit
_________________

You've been walking the ocean's edge, holding up your robes to keep them dry. You must dive naked under, and deeper under, a thousand times deeper! - Rumi

http://www.manhattangmat.com/blog/index.php/author/cbermanmanhattanprep-com/ - This is worth its weight in gold

Economist GMAT Test - 730, Q50, V41 Aug 9th, 2013
Manhattan GMAT Test - 670, Q45, V36 Aug 11th, 2013
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GmatPrep CAT 1 - 770, Q50, V44 Aug 24th, 2013
Manhattan GMAT Test - 690, Q45, V39 Aug 30th, 2013
Manhattan GMAT Test - 710, Q48, V39 Sep 13th, 2013
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GMAT - 770, Q50, V44, Oct 7th, 2013
My Debrief - http://gmatclub.com/forum/from-the-ashes-thou-shall-rise-770-q-50-v-44-awa-5-ir-162299.html#p1284542

Kudos [?]: 361 [1], given: 73

Intern
Joined: 29 Jul 2012
Posts: 14

Kudos [?]: 79 [0], given: 18

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18 Aug 2013, 06:31
Transcendentalist wrote:
pnf619 wrote:
To conclude,the argument has several flaws it could be substantially strengthened if the author had mentioned all the relevant facts and provided relevant examples. In order to assess the merits of the situation, one needs to have full knowledge of all relevant facts.

I believe "it" should be replaced by "that"

An overdose of "relevant". I would recommend redoing this last bit

Thanks for the recommendation +1 kudos

Kudos [?]: 79 [0], given: 18

Kaplan GMAT Instructor
Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Posts: 644

Kudos [?]: 306 [0], given: 2

Location: Cambridge, MA

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18 Aug 2013, 18:51
hb wrote:
Could you please elaborate more on your scoring methodology and how you arrived at the score. e.g if I were to lay the following intervals for you. What in your opinion makes the essay fall in the intervals below ?

It's hard to give a precise score with these things--remember, the human and computer are cross-referenced specifically because human essay graders, even professionally trained ones, are not very reliable compared to the computer-adaptive algorithms of the quant and verbal sections.

That said, there are a few things to note. First, there are four general categories that most graders look for: your organization and structure, your mastery of the English language, the depth of your reasoning, and the strength and relevance of your supporting examples. However, it's not possible to say anything like "language is 25% of your grade," because your essay is graded on its overall effectiveness. An essay laden with typos would not get a high score, but it might do better than an essay whose logic was incomprehensible because the only typo was leaving out the word "not" from a key sentence.

Second, though the grading scales in .5 increments, 4.0 is the most important number. An essay that scores less than a 4 is "unsatisfactory," and can send warning signs to admissions officers that writing is a struggle. Higher scores are nice, especially aiming for an elite university, but admissions officers that Kaplan has spoken to have told us that 4 is an important break point.

I hope this helps to put your score in perspective, and keep up the good work!

Best,
_________________

Eli Meyer
Kaplan Teacher
http://www.kaptest.com/GMAT

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Kudos [?]: 306 [0], given: 2

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Joined: 01 Oct 2013
Posts: 10146

Kudos [?]: 270 [0], given: 0

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15 Jul 2015, 07:56
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22 Sep 2017, 04:16
Hello from the GMAT Club VerbalBot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.

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Re: Please rate my first AWA! Kudos for reviews :)   [#permalink] 22 Sep 2017, 04:16
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