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PLease rate my AWA

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Joined: 16 Nov 2012
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PLease rate my AWA [#permalink]

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New post 29 Sep 2013, 12:06
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The following appeared as part of an article in a computer magazine.
“A year ago Apex Manufacturing bought its managers computers for their homes and paid for telephone connections so that they could access Apex computers and data files from home after normal business hours. Since last year, productivity at Apex has increased by 15 percent. Other companies can learn from the success at Apex: given home computers and access to company resources, employees will work additional hours at home and thereby increase company profits.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


The argument states that other companies can learn from the success at Apex and increase their profits. It is based on success of one company in using a strategy and fact that it will be useful for other companies as well. The argument is riddled with serious logical gaps and relies on assumptions for which there is no evidentiary support.

First, the argument claims that providing of computer by Apex manufacturing was the reason for increased productivity of 15 %. This statement has no evidentiary support to support that computers at home were useful in improving the productivity. Increase in productivity could have happened because of other reasons not stated in the argument. Sometimes companies take various simultaneous steps in order to improve their productivity, so evidence is required that a particular activity led to increase in productivity.

Second, the arguments assumes that if something worked for Apex Corporation , it will work for other companies as well. It fails to distinguish the nature of other companies compared with that of Apex Manufacturing. Computers might not be needed in other companies and providing computers would be a waste of money. The cost of computers could actually add up to the costs and decrease the profits. Finally, the argument assumes the possibility of applying the strategy to other companies as well. It might not be possible for other companies to implement such a strategy because of confidential information that can only be accessed in office premises. The plan to increase profits may well lead to other loss of confidential information.

In summary, the argument is unconvincing and flawed because of reasons mentioned above. If more related facts are provided it could strengthen the argument. In order to evaluate a situation, it is necessary to have full knowledge of related facts.


Please rate my AWA-

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Status: It always seems impossible until it's done!!
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Re: PLease rate my AWA [#permalink]

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New post 30 Sep 2013, 04:09
Hi Dipesh,

I would rate your essay 3.5, Since it has few good points lacks few details mentioned below.

1st thing i noticed in your essay- it is too small, I guess it is your 1st essay. I would tell you to improve your typing speed.

Begin your essay with a broad introduction.

Your essay has most of the things needed. I would tell you add the evidence, few examples, while attacking the premise.(Instead of saying evidence is required).

you attacked the assumptions well, Similarly include the examples as well.

Before concluding, add few points by which the author can improve his argument.

Conclusion can be more better.

Write atleast 1 essay a day(Total = max 10-15) this will increase your typing speed.

I followed the most liked post in GMAT CLUB for AWA by Chineseburned how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html .. This post helped to get 5.5 in my 1st GMAT attempt.

Also if you want you can go through the below post as well.

crafting-an-excellent-essay-160202.html
all-awa-topics-for-gmat-collection-official-list-from-gmac-82734.html
awa-compilations-109-analysis-of-argument-essays-86274.html

Hope it helps :)
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File comment: I don't where i found this in GMATCLUB, But this tool is very helpful... It has both Argument and issue(its a old app) Ignore the issue part.
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Last edited by Gnpth on 30 Sep 2013, 04:27, edited 1 time in total.

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Concentration: Finance, Entrepreneurship
Schools: Wharton '16, CBS '16
GMAT Date: 10-09-2013
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WE: Analyst (Investment Banking)
Re: PLease rate my AWA [#permalink]

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New post 30 Sep 2013, 04:26
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Chinesedburned template for AWA is widely used by lots of people, and in average, everyone manages to get 4.5+ just by following it.

Good luck!

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New post 30 Sep 2013, 18:54
Thought you might find this article helpful. I like a consistent 5-paragraph essay form. And 4-6 sentences per paragraph.

Hope this helps!

http://www.manhattangmat.com/blog/index ... no-thanks/

-Brian
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New post 12 Nov 2017, 01:28
Hello from the GMAT Club VerbalBot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.

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New post 20 Nov 2017, 03:05
The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?"

Certainly, many people if asked about the influence of the internet on our today’s life would agree that it has a tremendous effect, others wouldn’t agree with that. Of course, both sides have their own reasons. As far as I’m concerned, I adopt the opinion that the internet turned the world to look like a small city, which had an impact on the easiness of learning accessibility and information availability for the whole population. Let’s begin with, education, where it becomes just simple for anyone to google and learn anything whatever it is, especially there a lot of non-profit educational websites like Coursera, Edex, Udacity and Udemy which have endless of amazing courses in different disciplines presented by pioneers in their fields. In addition, it becomes free to have a massive library of electronic books about history, arts, science, novels, astronomy…etc. Moreover, it’s possible now to take your bachelor, Masters or PhD degrees online, all you have to do is to apply for the required course and go ahead. My own experience is a compelling example of that. After graduation, I worked for a pharmaceutical company as a medical representative and I had a dream to hold an MBA which was noticeable for hard at that time, a friend of mine told me that I can make my dream works, via sending my papers to a reputable university and just attend their cessions and exams online. After 2 years I did it, thanks to the internet. As a result, I can say that without the internet I couldn’t accomplish my MBA.
Secondly, with the assistance of social websites like YouTube, Facebook, Whats-app and many others, we can have a continuous update of what’s happening around us. We all now already have friends from all over the world with the aid of the internet. For instance, I have friends from U.S, Canada, Europe, south Africa, where we always talk to each other through these social applications, discuss world’s news, our different cultures, how we can make our countries better. And not to mention the significance of internet on public opinion would be an oversight. The Egyptian and other Arab revolutions fired out due to media and internet.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the internet had great effects on our life, the way we become cosmopolitan population. This is because the above mentioned benefits and advantages. Education is not only allowed for rich people but also for low-income students.

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PLease rate my AWA   [#permalink] 20 Nov 2017, 03:05
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