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[TOEFL Writing] Please rate my writing

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[TOEFL Writing] Please rate my writing  [#permalink]

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New post 13 Feb 2017, 05:28
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Some people prefer to work on only one task at a time. Others think multitasking is a better way to get more work done. Which do you prefer and why? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

No doubts that we live in competitive environment nowadays. The environment requires that people should work more effectively, so they need to find a better way to get work done. Many people think multitasking is an answer; however, others like to stay focus on one task at a time.

Working on one task at a time is a good method because it’s relaxing. When we pay attention on only one task, we have enough time to complete it. There is nothing to hurry us and we enjoy the work that we are doing. For example, I only need to learn poem by heart at a time. I feel it’s easy and I want to complete this task early to take next task. So this method make us feel calm and relaxed.

Multitasking, meanwhile, is the opposite of relaxation. When we have too many thing to do at once, such as doing math, checking email and chatting with friends, it distracts and make we feel that it is impossible to finish all these works. This causes stress, so it is an awful idea to do a lots of thing at once. If people want to relax while they work, they will want do only one task. Thus, working on one task at once is a better choice in work situation.

As a result, working on one task at a time is an important method to help people work effectively. Although there are many people take comfort in multitasking, I, personally, prefer working on one problem at a time. With this method, I will love my work and spend more time on working.
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New post 13 Feb 2017, 07:46
Nice work, I like it a lot!
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New post 13 Feb 2017, 08:01
I can see few grammer and spelling mistakes. I am not the expert in TOEFL writing but I think we can give better example for multitasking e.g. focus, perfection etc. We can also suggest that working on a single task usually end up with better utilization of time, better quality of work and better use of available resources.
Again I am not an expert so just shared my views. Thanks :)

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New post 13 Feb 2017, 10:19
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Hi,

I will bring up some critiques...

First of all, such topics on TOEFL ask you to choose only ONE side and then bring supporting arguments.
You, unfortunately, have failed to do so. As a result, you lost at least 1 point from the maximum score.


yui_2000 wrote:
Some people prefer to work on only one task at a time. Others think multitasking is a better way to get more work done. Which do you prefer and why? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

No doubts that we live in competitive environment nowadays. The environment (I believe THIS is more appropriate, as you refer to the competitive environment that you mentioned in the preceded sentence) requires that people should (require is a subjunctive mood verb - never ever use SHOULD with subjunctive verbs, as it is 100% incorrect) work more effectively, so they need to find a better way to get work done. Many people think multitasking is an answer (answer to what? you need to show a smooth transition from one idea to another); however, others like to stay focus on one task at a time.

Working on one task at a time (same wording repeated with only one word in between - not good) is a good method because it’s relaxing. When we pay attention on TO (correct preposition is TO) only one task, we have enough time to complete it. There is nothing to hurry us, and we enjoy the work that we are doing. For example, I only need to learn a poem by heart at a time. I feel it’s easy, and I want to complete this task early to take next task. So (never start a sentence with FANBOYS - for/and/nor/but/or/yet/so - these are conjunctions that connect two independent ideas into one sentence) this method makes us feel calm and relaxed.

Multitasking, meanwhile, is the opposite of relaxation. When we have too many things to do at once, such as doing math, checking email, and chatting with friends (I would recommend not including this info at all...as it is not a work related thing...) , it distracts ( what exactly distracts? you mentioned several things..) and make we US feel that it is impossible to finish all these works (work is an uncountable noun - it does not have a plural form). This (does not have a clear antecedent) causes stress, so it is an awful idea to do a lots of things at once. If people want to relax while they work, they will want to do only one task. Thus, working on one task at once is a better choice in work situation. (I would recommend changing the whole underlined part - sorry for pointing out, but relaxing while you work, it doesn't seem real)

As a result, working on one task at a time is an important method to help people work effectively. Although there are many people who take comfort in multitasking, I, personally, prefer working on one problem at a time. With this method, I will love my work and spend more time on working.


I know that it takes some time to develop your writing skills. Go through your mistakes, and make sure that you do not make them again.
Considering all above said, I wouldn't give you more than 3 for your essay.
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New post 20 Mar 2017, 08:34
I have written another essay in the same topics, hoping I can have as many critics as possible.

Everyone has more and more to do each day. Workload is generally increasing and time seems getting shorter. Therefore, some people try to perform many tasks simultaneously. But to which extend this solution is possible and efficient? Although an accurate answer to this question would depend on the tasks at issue, but I believe that assessing one task at time is better than multitasking.

Of course, there is no big issue listening to music, ironing clothes and having a discussion with a friend. But when it comes to serious tasks that require concentration, such as writing an essay, analyzing a graphic or writing a code for a new IT program, multitasking becomes a serious source of error or at least results in a bad performance. For this kind of work to be done, all sources of distraction should be absent in order to fulfill the task correctly. Human is created with one brain, and in order to have an optimal function, this brain should not be used for several task at the same time.

In the same way, even computer with one processor cannot make an addition and a multiplication in the same time. In the conception of operational system, there is a clear concept that illustrates that; when many tasks arrive to the processor in the same time, they have to wait until the currently performed task finish in order to be able to enter the processor. This issue is now overcame using multiprocessors, but humans are mono brain creature and are consequently unable to perform many critical tasks at the same time.

From my experience, when I am in a situation in which I have for example to talk to someone while I am writing something, it often happens that I start writing what I am supposed to say or I say what I am supposed to write. Such interferences are clearly sources of error that I can avoid only by concentrating on one task a time.

In this context, organization and priority become key elements in order to perform many tasks. When I find myself in situation where I have to deal with many tasks, I take a brief time to order these tasks by priority and then I start by the most important.

To sum up, I would have liked to be able to assess many tasks at the same time, but it has been proven that multitasking is a potential source of error. Instead, organization and priority should be adopted when dealing with different tasks.
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New post 20 Mar 2017, 23:44
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Good job.
I think you will earn more points if you write a longer essay.
Paraphrasing the question prompt in the first paragraph would add more words as well as a good start.
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New post 10 Jul 2017, 05:49
excellent! when I can get such result?! :)
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New post 10 Jul 2017, 10:22
The essay is really good, everything is spot on, from paraphrasing to grammar.Also the topic covered is highly intense and advanced. Then, I felt there could be more illustrations & examples in the subject of this essay, which will make it stand out more.
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New post 10 Jul 2017, 11:53
Essay is well written and deserves a score of around 4
But I personally think you could have elaborated a bit more.
Also give some more examples
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Re: [TOEFL Writing] Please rate my writing   [#permalink] 10 Jul 2017, 11:53
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