[TOEFL Writing] Please rate my writing

Hi,

I will bring up some critiques...

First of all, such topics on TOEFL ask you to choose only ONE side and then bring supporting arguments.
You, unfortunately, have failed to do so. As a result, you lost at least 1 point from the maximum score.




I know that it takes some time to develop your writing skills. Go through your mistakes, and make sure that you do not make them again.
Considering all above said, I wouldn't give you more than 3 for your essay.

I have written another essay in the same topics, hoping I can have as many critics as possible.

Everyone has more and more to do each day. Workload is generally increasing and time seems getting shorter. Therefore, some people try to perform many tasks simultaneously. But to which extend this solution is possible and efficient? Although an accurate answer to this question would depend on the tasks at issue, but I believe that assessing one task at time is better than multitasking.

Of course, there is no big issue listening to music, ironing clothes and having a discussion with a friend. But when it comes to serious tasks that require concentration, such as writing an essay, analyzing a graphic or writing a code for a new IT program, multitasking becomes a serious source of error or at least results in a bad performance. For this kind of work to be done, all sources of distraction should be absent in order to fulfill the task correctly. Human is created with one brain, and in order to have an optimal function, this brain should not be used for several task at the same time.

In the same way, even computer with one processor cannot make an addition and a multiplication in the same time. In the conception of operational system, there is a clear concept that illustrates that; when many tasks arrive to the processor in the same time, they have to wait until the currently performed task finish in order to be able to enter the processor. This issue is now overcame using multiprocessors, but humans are mono brain creature and are consequently unable to perform many critical tasks at the same time.

From my experience, when I am in a situation in which I have for example to talk to someone while I am writing something, it often happens that I start writing what I am supposed to say or I say what I am supposed to write. Such interferences are clearly sources of error that I can avoid only by concentrating on one task a time.

In this context, organization and priority become key elements in order to perform many tasks. When I find myself in situation where I have to deal with many tasks, I take a brief time to order these tasks by priority and then I start by the most important.

To sum up, I would have liked to be able to assess many tasks at the same time, but it has been proven that multitasking is a potential source of error. Instead, organization and priority should be adopted when dealing with different tasks.

Good job.
I think you will earn more points if you write a longer essay.
Paraphrasing the question prompt in the first paragraph would add more words as well as a good start.

excellent! when I can get such result?!

The essay is really good, everything is spot on, from paraphrasing to grammar.Also the topic covered is highly intense and advanced. Then, I felt there could be more illustrations & examples in the subject of this essay, which will make it stand out more.

Essay is well written and deserves a score of around 4
But I personally think you could have elaborated a bit more.
Also give some more examples