Rate my second attempt

"On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically
within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with
products intended to attract the middle­ aged consumer."

ESSAY:
The author claims that on average, middle aged consumers devote 39 percent of retail expenditure on department store compare to young customer whose average is only 25 percent. The number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade,department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. To take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle­ aged consumer. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence,the argumentis weak/unconvincing
and has several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assume that the sample of customer to department store shows that consumer of middle-aged devote more than younger consumer. This statement is strech focusing on a typical department store rather it will be different if the sample is drawn from broad population. For example, the department store in the region keeps more product focus on middle-aged group.The middle-age person may have more ideal time than younger one. The younger are busy with much work and the shoping stuffs are
done by middle-age person in their family. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated that what type of family structure and age group is related to the customers. The sample is also drawn for ratail produt, also the wholesale statistics is missing.

Secondly, the argument claims that the number of middle-aged people will increase dramaticlly within the next decade. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between present population structure and the future.There is no enough evidience to proof either the population will increase dramatically. To illustrate, the present middle-aged population grows old aged and the present younger truns for middle-aged , while the habit of retail expenditure of them seems to be lower in the above argument.If the argument had provided evidence that the ratio of population of younger is large then the argument would have been a lot more convincing for the dramatically increase in the population of middle-aged population.

Finally, would repalcing products intendend to attract younger consumer with products intendend to attract the middle-aged consumer is the ultimate solution ? Although, the rate of expenditure is less with the youger population. Replacing product intended to focus middle-aged will decrease the flow of younger consumer again, which leads to decrease younger consumer more. Again the present younger truns to middle-aged and the future middle-aged cosumers will decline as a result. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts related to population structure, evidience of population growth, product type, wholesale product sales volume etc. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

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