Can someone please evaluate my essay? I tried writing an essay for the first time and your honest opinion would be really appreciated
PS. I used some of the strategies mentioned on the forum to draft my essay.
Prompt: The following appeared as part of a plan proposed by an executive of the Easy Credit Company to the president:
“The Easy Credit Company would gain an advantage over competing credit card services if we were to donate a
portion of the proceeds from the use of our cards to a well-known environmental organization in exchange for the use
of its symbol or logo on our card. Since a recent poll shows that a large percentage of the public is concerned about
environmental issues, this policy would attract new customers, increase use among existing customers, and enable
us to charge interest rates that are higher than the lowest ones available.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and
the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions
underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can
also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would
make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Essay: The argument claims that if the Easy Credit Card company were to donate a portion of the proceeds from the use of their cards to a well-known environmental organization in exchange for the use of its symbols or logos on cards, then the policy would attract new customers and increase profits. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it can be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions, for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that because the Easy Credit card company will use the symbol or logo of a well-known environmental organization, a large percentage of public concerned about environmental issues will be interested in purchasing their cards. It also assumes that Easy Credit card company will have a competitive advantage in doing so. The argument fails to consider other factors such as services, perks and customer satisfaction associated with the credit card company as the priority items for a customer which are a basis of attracting them. What if the customers are attracted to a credit card company which provides better rate of interest as compared to Easy Credit Card company? In such a situation, even placing a logo of a well-known environmental organization is not going to increase the customer base. The argument could have been much better if it was explicitly stated that customers are actually attracted to credit cards on which logos of well-known environmental organizations are placed. This could have been achieved if the argument presented results of market surveys or case studies to show a correlation between the two.
Second, the argument claims that placing the logo of a well-known environmental organization will help the Easy Credit Card company to extend their concerns about environmental issues. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between increased customers and use of logo on a credit card. To illustrate, customers might feel that the portion of the proceeds from the use of credit cards could have gone to a better cause which actually demonstrates the concerns Easy Credit Card company has towards the environment. Such results would be tangible to the customers and the customers would have easily understood the message.
Finally, the argument concludes by stating that the policy adopted by Easy Credit Card company might enable them to charge interest rates that are higher than the lowest ones available. This statement is a stretch since it assumes that existing customers will continue to use the card and new customers would be interested in purchasing their cards as well. The argument undermines the influence interest rates have on customers when they purchase their credit cards. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is a more wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.