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AWA Score: 3.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 1/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
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I finished this in 10 minutes, so would love any advice on how to lengthen this or improve my essay with the additional 20 minutes. I am a pretty quick typer!
Prompt:
Anyone can see the evidence for himself: as the movies we watch become more violent, the rate of crime that occurs in our cities goes up. The onus is on us, the people, to affect a change in this arena by either implementing an age requirement of 21 years old to view such movies, or abolishing the current oversight committee on violence in movies and creating a new one, since it is apparent that our representatives in government are unconcerned by these alarming developments. Just last month a bill proposing these measures failed to reach the veto-proof two-thirds majority in the legislature. We must act now.
Essay:
The argument states that in order affect the rate of crime, the government needs to create an age requirement to view such movies or create a new oversight committee in order to monitor this. The author's conclusion is fault, because it assumes that correlation is causation, governments officials are unconcerned because they did not reach a majority in the legislature, and creating an age requirement for violent movies will change crime rates in cities.
First, the argument makes a faulty note by saying that since there's a positive correlation between the increase in violence in movies and the number of violent crimes that occur. An increase in violence in movies does not necessarily mean it is the root cause of the increase in the number of crimes in a city. In fact, this may occur due to access to more weapons or lack of access to mental health solutions that is resulting in higher crime rates.
Additionally, the author also mentions that since the government did not pass a bill proposing these measures, the government officials are unconcerned with these issues. A lot of issues are a concern for the government, but passing them requires an immense unity between both parties. Additionally, government officials may not believe that by advocating for an age limit for violent movies or creating a new oversight committee for these movies is a proper solution for limiting crime in cities.
Finally, even if crime in cities did increase due to an increase in viewership of violent movies, by increasing the age limit, this does not affect people who are older than 21 who are watching violent movies. There is still a big chunk of the population who is watching these movies and the author does not mention in his argument whether there is a strong reason why increasing the age will increase the crime rates.
In conclusion, the author's conclusion has three main flaws. The author's conclusion falsely links correlation to causation, assumes government officials don't care based on a bill not acting, and does not state why increasing the age limit will yield beneficial results.