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Can someone please review and rate my essay.

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Can someone please review and rate my essay. [#permalink]

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New post 05 Aug 2017, 22:03
Hi,

Can someone please review and rate my essay. I have my GMAT in two days. Any suggestions/tips are welcome. I would like to know whether the structure is correct or not?

Thanks in advance!

Topic:

Given the limited funding available for the building and repair of roads and bridges, the government should not spend
any money this year on fixing the bridge that crosses the Styx River. This bridge is located near a city with a weakening
economy, so it is not as important as other bridges; moreover, the city population is small and thus unlikely to contribute
a significant enough tax revenue to justify the effort of fixing the bridge.”



The argument above states that the government should not spend any money this year on fixing the bridge that crosses the Styx river. This conclusion is based on the premises that the city in question has a weakening economy and is unlikely to generate high tax revenue. However, there are several assumptions that may not necessarily be true for this argument to hold.

First, the argument considers only economic factor in order to decide whether the bridge is worth fixing or not. It fails to consider that a damaged bridge is very dangerous for the people using it and can even lead to fatal accidents and even loss of lives. A government should take all these factors in consideration as well apart from the economic significance.

Second, the argument also states that the bridge is located near a weakening economy and use this to conclude that it is not as important as other bridges. However, the argument fails to consider that may be the damaged bridge is
the reason of the weakening economy. If people do not consider the bridge as safe, they will hesitate to cross it. This could seriously impact the business of the local people there as it greatly reduces their scope of business. This would result in weakening of the economy of the city. Also weakening economy does not necessarily means a weak economy. Maybe the city was ranked first in terms of economic strength and after weakening of its economy it slipped to position two. No doubt the economy of the city weakened but it is still ranked at number two which is not bad at all.

Last, this argument also relies on the fact that the city population is small and thus unlikely to contribute a significant revenue to justify the effort of fixing the bridge. A small population does not necessarily mean lesser tax revenue. Tax revenue of a city is dependent on the total amount the people of a city run. If there are rich people living in that city, even a smaller population can generate a large tax revenue. In that case , this premise of the argument will not hold true.

In conclusion, the argument is seriously flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. However, it can be strengthened significantly if the argument considers the above mentioned flaws and provides more premises or facts to make it more convincing. Without that, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

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[qupte]The argument above states that the government should not spend any money this year on fixing the bridge that crosses the Styx river. This conclusion is based on the premises that the city in question has a weakening economy and is unlikely to generate high tax revenue. However, there are several assumptions that may not necessarily be true for this argument to hold.[/quote]

Quote:
Second, the argument also states that the bridge is located near a weakening economy and use this to conclude that it is not as important as other bridges. However, the argument fails to consider that may be the damaged bridge is


The red what means ?? the bridge is near a river, not a weak economy....

Moreover, you should expand the awa itself, more words and examples

Read this for a clear way to attack the AWA. https://gmatclub.com/forum/gmatclub-gui ... 36251.html

Regards
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Kudos [?]: 9298 [1], given: 1169

Can someone please review and rate my essay.   [#permalink] 06 Aug 2017, 06:28
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