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Please grade my AWA(asap), my GMAT exam is Tomorrow

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Please grade my AWA(asap), my GMAT exam is Tomorrow  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Nov 2019, 14:01
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:

“Two years ago Nova high school began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’ graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”

Discuss how well reasoned…etc.



My response:


The argument states that the interactive computer instruction began two years ago has led to decline in school dropout rate and also some impressive achievements by last year’s graduates. Stated this way the argument fails to mention several key factors that can be used to evaluate the argument. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which no substantiated evidence/data is provided in the argument. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and lacks several factors.

First, the author readily assumes that due to interactive computer instruction began two years ago Nova High School has seen a decline in dropout rate ad its last year’s graduates have won some impressive achievements. The author’s claim is missing details which could prove whether the argument it is cause and effect. There can be other several reasons, for instance, what if the college students didn’t got the jobs for which they were droping out of the school. The argument could have provided data or some statistics to show that the interactive computer instruction was the only reason students didn’t drop out.

Furthermore, the arguments states that, due to interactive computer instructions graduates have reported some achievements. What if, the achievements were in other field of interest rather than those three academic subjects. For instance, the students may have won in sports or have got achievements in music, dance, art etc., if the author had provided us some evidence that could show us, that interactive computer interactive instructions were the only reason for achievements then argument could have made more sense.

Finally, through that premise or data in argument, the author conclude that school should use there more than half of the budget to buy more computers and other schools in the district should do the same. This is a way stretch, as mentioned earlier dropout rate and achievements could have several other reasons and spending a huge amount won’t be a good strategy. The school could provide us data whether buying more computers would lead to more decline I dropout rate or more achievements. There could be more achievements by spending in sports or other field in which the students are really good and because of which students drop out so that they follow their dreams/interest of study.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed and unconvincing. To make the argument strong, the author should use above mentioned facts and data. Without these facts and data mentioned in the above paragraphs the argument remaining weak rather open for questioning.

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New post 21 Nov 2019, 01:04
Hi Abhishakee97
Your writing is simply great. Your score is certainly 5+.
Good luck
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New post 21 Nov 2019, 12:15
Abhishakee97 - I see you used the chineseburned template and I personally love how you perfectly use structural keywords. However, you should watch out for some grammar issues, including s-v error, modifiers, etc. Please allocate a good 2-3 minutes to proofread your writing.
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New post 25 Nov 2019, 04:31
I would also advise that you pay some attention to the punctuation. I would add comma in various places. For example:

Stated this way, the argument fails to mention several key factors that can be used to evaluate the argument.

First, the author readily assumes that, due to interactive computer instruction began two years ago, Nova High School has seen...

Good luck!
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Re: Please grade my AWA(asap), my GMAT exam is Tomorrow   [#permalink] 25 Nov 2019, 04:31
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