Rate my AWA! :-)

Hi guys,

I've got my exam next week and I'm currently trying to get used to the AWA. Clearly, this is not first priority, but I'll be happy if you could give me some feedback on the following essay (esp. with regards to style, length, structure...).
Timing-wise it took me pretty much 30 minutes. I will try to leave more time towards the end during the exam to re-read and rephrase a little (I'm not super happy with some sentences).

Thanks a lot!
Alon

The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery:
“The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The given statement informs directors of a company for heavy machinery parts about delays in manufacturing that are due to poor planning in purchasing materials. As a consequence, the author of the statement advises to replace the manager of the department for purchasing raw materials with a scientist from the research division.

This argument seems logical at first sight: delays in manufacturing were due to insufficient planning, and the manager of the responsible department should be held accountable for that.
However, when taking a closer look at the argument, there are a number of questions that remain unanswered and that cast doubt on the conclusions the author makes.

Firstly, only limited information on the delays in manufacturing is given. It says that these delays were “due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals”. What other reasons might have caused the delays? Maybe there was a shortage in work force or potentially something unforeseen caused delays. The reader is only presented with a rather generalized reason: poor planning.

Secondly, the author concludes that the manager responsible for purchasing raw materials should be held accountable and be moved to the sales department. The author justifies this conclusion with the background of the current manager that supposedly does not fit the requirements of the procurement department. What skills a purchasing manager should have, however, is left unmentioned. It can only be inferred that he or she should be able to plan well - why a manager skilled in general management, psychology and sociology would not be able to do so, though, is unclear.

Thirdly, only little information is provided on the potential successor of the current manager, except that it should be a scientist from the research division. Implicitly the author states that a scientist would excel in this position. They wrongly presume that academic background is the only factor that should be considered in filling vacant positions. They do not take into account, however, that the manager of the purchasing department will also need sufficient skills in leadership and negotiations.

Finally, it is unclear whether the author of the paragraph will be more satisfied with the manager’s performance if they were moved to the sales department. Will the manager’s background be more helpful in selling heavy machinery than in procuring raw materials? Based on the line of argumentation of the author, this job would also require an academic background more suitable to the company’s products.
Concluding, it can be said that the author of the paragraph draws conclusions based on a flawed argumentation. The board of directors would have been more able in evaluating the manager’s performance and his or her potential move to the sales department when being presented with a less generalized reasoning and more information about the circumstances of the manufacturing delays and about the skills deemend necessary in the raw material purchasing department.