AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
avlachos99
Could you please evaluate my essay? Thank you in advance.
Prompt:
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Answer:
The author of the memorandum of the Apogee Company suggests that Apogee Company close its field offices and centralize its operations in a single location. To support this recommendation, he cites the fact that Apogee had higher profitability when it had all of its operations in one location and mentions that centralizing would cut costs and contribute to better supervision of employees. Stated in this way, the argument presents a distorted view of reality and omits the following factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated.
First of all, the author assumes that Apogee Company’s profitability dropped because its operations are not centralized anymore. Centralization could be just a coincidence in terms of profitability and not the deciding factor. More specifically, the author fails to take into account other possible causes for reduced profitability. For instance, the market in which the Apogee Company is operating and its profit margins may have shrunk, the competition may have become fiercer, or the raw materials for the company’s products may have become more expensive. The author could strengthen his position by providing information about anything else that has changed after Apogee decentralized its operations and might have affected its profits.
Furthermore, it is supported that centralizing operations can contribute to cost-cutting. That is not necessarily the case as Apogee might require additional resources to reach distant stakeholders, such as customers or suppliers who are close to its present field offices. Such resources could be trucks for its products, transportation costs for relationship managers etc. In addition, the central location to house all of Apogee’s operations would undoubtedly have to be expanded, leading to additional costs. The memorandum would be a lot more convincing if it provided an analysis depicting how much the centralization would cost and how much it would save.
Lastly, even if Apogee’s centralizing of operations reduces the company’s costs, it will not necessarily increase its profits, since profits rely both on revenues and costs. By closing its field offices, Apogee may risk losing customers served directly by these offices to competitors who operate closer to them. Therefore, the geographical distribution of Apogee’s customers is important to determine how a centralization could affect its revenues and, hence, its profitability.
In summary, the argument presented in the memorandum is flawed due to the aforementioned facts. Further information about the market and Apogee from the period it had the highest profit, about how a centralization would affect its costs and its revenues could help better evaluate the argument. Surely, as it stands now, the argument is unconvincing.