Sign in with Google
Sign in with Apple
Before founding Gurufi, I taught in Harvard University’s Expository Writing Program. While teaching undergrads to write Ivy League-quality essays, we used to joke that an introduction is like a good first date: you want to be interesting, clear about your intentions, and leave the other person wanting to know more. That advice holds true for MBA personal statements.
Applicants often struggle with introductions, and much of the advice that they’ve been given is either bad or better suited to college personal statements. While I always advise clients not to place undue stress on having a blockbuster introduction, it does play a significant role in how the reader perceives your application. In short, your introduction does more than start your essay; it sets the tone for the entire application. A strong opening can make an admissions reader excited to spend the next two minutes with your essay. A flat one can make even a great story feel like a slog.
With this in mind, here are five tips for writing a great introduction.
(1) Forget About Gimmicky Hooks
What? But I heard you have to have a GREAT HOOK! The problem with the “hook,” as a concept, is twofold. First, the idea mostly comes from magazine or newspaper writing, where there’s a genuine question as to whether the reader will read your article. If you don’t grab them in the first 5 seconds… they’re gone. That’s just not the case with admissions essays. Your reader WILL keep reading. So you have a bit of space to set things up and entice your reader to feel excited about what comes next.
Second, when most people write hooks, what they actually lean into are inauthentic gimmicks or big, brash text that creates a tone and pace that’s impossible to sustain. Yes, you do want to avoid being overly rote, but it’s ultimately about finding a balance. Many bad MBA essays begin with something like “I am applying to Business School X because I want to transition from consulting to private equity.” That’s accurate, but not engaging. A better introduction uses a moment, story, or image that pulls the reader in. Find a way to tell a story that’s germane, personal, authentic, and compelling. A good way to do this is to think of a precise moment and build a short anecdote around it. “At 3 a.m., I was sitting in a Mumbai call center, translating a customer complaint while the product team frantically debugged the software…” Something like this, if it’s connected to a problem you solved and your mission and vision for the future, can work well. Other approaches are the “surprising fact,” such as “Only 30% of rural health clinics in my region had access to clean water. That statistic kept me awake at night.” Now, the challenge with this is that you’ll want to find a way to connect this to something important to you and your experiences so that your personal statement is, in fact, personal and not an essay about a topic. Here, for instance, you might say WHY this keeps you up at night, or you may note how lack of access to potable water played a role in your life.
Similarly, a bold statement or question, such as, “I believe supply chains can be beautiful, and that’s why I want to spend my life improving them,” can work if your essay is about your work within this sector and what you’ve learned from it. Remember, admissions officers read hundreds of essays a week. If you can make them sit up and think, “Tell me more!” you’ve done your job. Similarly, if it’s too gimmicky, all you’ll get is a groan and an eye roll, so make sure that whatever your write resonates with your life and aligns with your stated goals.
(2) Orient Your Reader
Once you’ve engaged your reader, give them a quick sense of where this essay is headed. This is NOT the old middle school adage of “tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you’ve told them.” That’s bad advice that produces bad, rigid writing. I’m not telling you to lay out your entire five-paragraph plan; it just means providing context. For example, take the initial introduction about the Mumbai call center. You’ve told the story, so now you want to tie that story to a specific narrative about your application for business school, such as, “Moments like these, when the stakes were high and the pressure was on, shaped my decision to pursue a career in operations consulting. Now, I’m applying to [School Name] to deepen my skills and expand my ability to solve complex global challenges.” This short bridge tells the reader: here’s who I am, here’s why I’m writing this, and here’s where we’re going.
(3) Don’t start with your résumé.
Remember, your application is a PACKAGE, and your goal should be to provide all of the relevant information and tell multiple stories that show you from multiple angles. Your CV already provides a bird’s-eye view, so use this space for something more personal. The purpose of a personal statement isn’t to begin on the day you graduated from college and then walk the reader through your professional journey, step by step. Your essay doesn’t necessarily need to be chronological. Instead, if your resume provides breadth, this essay should provide depth on a few key moments or ideas.
(4) Going too big or too vague
Beware “ever since…” moments or overly grand pronouncements about your life. “Ever since I was a child, I wanted to change the world…” risks sounding cliché. If you find yourself leaning too much on an “a-ha” moment where some event made you instantly aware of how you wanted to spend the rest of your life, then reconsider that framing. Even making a small shift from “and from that moment, I knew I wanted to be a consultant,” to something like, “as I think about my journey to consulting, XYZ Experience played a major role…” This minor tweak, of something that something had meaning and weight in retrospect, makes you sound more thoughtful and reflective… and it’s also more believable.
(5) Over-explaining your goals right away
You don’t have to make clear precisely what you aspire to do in your opening paragraph. Leave some discovery for the middle of your essay. In fact, one of the most common mistakes I see is when people feel like they need to have a single self-sustaining sentence in the opener that’s a direct, rote reply to the prompt. You don’t have to open with, “My long-term goal is…” As long as you get to it and you’re clear about what the goal is and why you hold it, you can give the reader a bit of trust that they aren’t stupid and will read your whole essay. Your introduction is your essay’s invitation. It’s the front door of the house, and you want the reader to feel excited to come inside. Make it irresistible. After you write a draft, ask yourself: If I stopped reading here, would I want to keep going? If the answer is anything but “yes,” rewrite until it shines.
If you’d like more tips on how to write a great opening, check out this video. Want to craft a winning personal statement? Visit Gurufi.com to get expert help building, revising, and polishing your application essays. Have a question? Email us anytime at [email protected]. We’re happy to help!
