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LukasBue
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jkolachi
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Yes better, but I think you need to continue to write. Some of the sentences could def be re-worded. use more concise and formal language i.e.

"The given argument states that doctors are doing a disservice to their patients and contributing to increasing costs of health care in the United states because because they focus on expensive drug treatments and invasive procedures instead of art or music therapy."

You could simply say "The argument states that by not prescribing art and music therapy, doctors are doing a disservice to their patients. The author basis on the fact that art & music therapy have shown to be an effective and cost-efficient alternative to conventional prescriptions." ....

I also don't like the reasoning to be honest. The reasoning is weak, you got to attack the argument hard. That shows your critical reasoning skills. Why is this argument bad? Disagree with the argument! .. you are agreeing to a certain degree... that's a mistake in my opinion. Go hard for instance

"The author assumes that doctors lack the judgement to prescribe the appropriate remedy for their patients. It also fails to differentiate the type of illnesses and maladies that said therapy is effective for. The author fails to provide the data which would support his assertion. Furthermore the author without providing his medical expertise assumes that the said therapy would be effective in treating a host of illnesses. He also assumes that doctors are unaware of the benefits of music & arts therapy and therefore unwittingly prescribing the wrong remedy. He provides no evidence for why doctors are ignoring therapy if it does actually have the benefits that author claims......""

Think about what the author is saying, He is claiming to know more than doctors... who are experts in their field. Is he a doctor too? What illnesses is he talking about? Maybe music is good for a headache, but is it good for say Polio or a cancer patient? See how ridiculous that sounds? Do you think music therapy could cure cancer? So the author is making a ridiculous statement without backing it up with any evidence at all.....

What can music & art really help with? Maybe depression or flu or headache, for those you can take a cheap pill generally.... So the argument is very bad. Attack it hard.

To simply:" Make the argument sound like the author has said the stupidest thing you have ever hard. Make it sound like you can't believe what is coming out of the author's mouth... As if you're in shock .. because that's how bad some of these arguments are..." So let the GMAC marker know that you see how bad the argument is by Ripping it apart! Don't use soft wishy washy language. Take a hard stance and stick to your guns.

Kudos if it helps!
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Thanks again for motivating me! I really struggle with the 30 minute limit which doesn't leave enough time to prove-read the essay.

The following is the most recent essay I wrote.

What do you think?

Topic
The following appeared in a trade publication for the insurance industry:

“Each generation of Americans has lived longer than the ones preceding it, as the national life expectancy has approached 80 years old in recent years. The progress of medical technology shows no sign of abating. Therefore, we can confidently predict that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Essay
The argument claims that one could confidently predict that most children born in America in the next ten years will live past the age of ninety because every generation of Americans has lived longer than the ones preceding it. The argument is based on the premise that the progress of medical technology is not abating. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention several factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. Moreover, it relies on assumptions that are not supported by evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument claims that life expectancy heavily depends on the progress of medical technology. Even if that were true, the author fails to account for several other factors that influence life expectancy. Despite advancements in medical technology, life expectancy is, for instance, certain to decrease in the event of war or a natural catastrophe. Without a throughout analysis of the different factors that contribute to life expectancy, the argument remains flawed.

Second, the argument readily assumes that past development is a good predictor for future development. Clearly, the increasing life expectancy of former generations is not directly correlated to the life expectancy of future generations. Based on the authors assumption, life expectancy is expected to never stop to increase. This conclusion, however, fails to mention that there might, in fact, be a certain age in one's life where the human body is not capable of getting older anymore. In order to strengthen the argument, it is necessary to provide evidence that this age does not exist or can be extended to infinity.

Third, the argument fails to distinguish between life expectancy and the real age of individuals. Life expectancy refers to the average expected age at death. This means, that even in a country with a life expectancy of ninety years, roughly fifty percent of the population will not reach the age of ninety. Therefore, concluding that most children born in the next decade will live past the age of ninety is false.

Finally, the argument provides certain numbers and measures without providing evidence that justifies them. The author claims, for instance, that the life expectancy is 80 years today and will be at a certain level in the future. Moreover, the argument claims that medical technology is advancing, yet fails to provide evidence for this advancement.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and therefore unconvincing. Some of the underlying assumptions are not supported by evidence and the author fails to mention certain key factors. Without additional evidence, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
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Much better in my opinion. Keep practicing though and make sure you finish in 20 minutes (5 minutes to brainstorm/outline before starting and 5 minutes for final editing...) So write 500 words in 20 minutes and make sure you leave enough time for editing.

Good luck
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