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Please rate/comment my writing

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Joined: 24 Feb 2017
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Please rate/comment my writing [#permalink]

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New post 15 Mar 2017, 02:49
I have just written this in 30 minutes.

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

If I was given to choose between living in a traditional house and in a modern apartment building, I would choose a modern apartment building without any doubt. The reasons behind this preference are mainly social, economic and ecologic.
I think that living in a modern apartment building is more ecologic. Indeed, such buildings are often constructed using the last scientific researches to prevent temperature inside the building to be affected by the climatic conditions outside the building. Consequently, heating machine or air conditioning consume less energy in those building compared with in traditional houses which are often exposed to external climatic conditions from all sides. Moreover, living in a modern apartment building is less land-consuming. Many people can live in a relatively small area whereas in traditional houses more land would be needed to accommodate the same number of people. Thus, compared to living in traditional houses, living in modern apartment building save more money, use less land and waste less energy. It is definitely more economic and ecologic.
As far as social aspect is concerned, there is no doubt that people who live in modern apartment buildings have more opportunities to meet other people, neighbors for example, than people who live in traditional houses. Furthermore, some new apartment buildings are equipped with sport amenities such as swimming pool and sport field and residents can meet and enjoy time together in those places. Also, in modern apartment building children can easily make friends and I believe this is an important aspect in the development of children personality.
To sum up, although it could seem more peaceful to live isolated in a traditional house, conditions are changing and now we have to think about our environment and the future of our children. In this regards, living in a modern apartment building is definitely more efficient. This is why I would opt for this choice.

Thanks so much for reading!

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Please rate/comment my writing [#permalink]

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New post 18 Mar 2017, 20:56
Nice job. I would rate your essay around 20 points. But you should know that I am neither an expert nor a native speaker.

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Re: Please rate/comment my writing [#permalink]

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New post 18 Mar 2017, 21:43
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chanassss wrote:
I have just written this in 30 minutes.

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

If I was given to choose between living in a traditional house and in a modern apartment building, I would choose a modern apartment building without any doubt. The reasons behind this preference are mainly social, economic and ecologic.
I think that living in a modern apartment building is more ecologic. Indeed, such buildings are often constructed using the last scientific researches to prevent temperature inside the building to be affected by the climatic conditions outside the building. Consequently, heating machine or air conditioning consume less energy in those building compared with in traditional houses which are often exposed to external climatic conditions from all sides. Moreover, living in a modern apartment building is less land-consuming. Many people can live in a relatively small area whereas in traditional houses more land would be needed to accommodate the same number of people. Thus, compared to living in traditional houses, living in modern apartment building save more money, use less land and waste less energy. It is definitely more economic and ecologic.
As far as social aspect is concerned, there is no doubt that people who live in modern apartment buildings have more opportunities to meet other people, neighbors for example, than people who live in traditional houses. Furthermore, some new apartment buildings are equipped with sport amenities such as swimming pool and sport field and residents can meet and enjoy time together in those places. Also, in modern apartment building children can easily make friends and I believe this is an important aspect in the development of children personality.
To sum up, although it could seem more peaceful to live isolated in a traditional house, conditions are changing and now we have to think about our environment and the future of our children. In this regards, living in a modern apartment building is definitely more efficient. This is why I would opt for this choice.

Thanks so much for reading!

Hello chanassss,

First of all, I am not a native speaker so I just want to give some advice - based on my experience. Last month I did my test and got 24 in writing.

1. For the introduction, I think you need one "context" sentence before immediately jump into the option.
2. Paraphrasing question definitely will give you extra scores rather than just copy the question :) Maybe you can use "landed house" to change traditional housing, and so on.
3. You can separate second paragraph to two different paragraph : first one discuss about economic side and the other discuss about ecologic side. Remember, only give one main idea in each paragraph.

Just my 2 cent advice!

Sent from my SM-G920F using GMAT Club Forum mobile app
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Re: Please rate/comment my writing [#permalink]

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New post 19 Mar 2017, 19:49
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I think the general writing is fine.
Your essay has good structure and your grammar is good.
The only problem I find is "researches" which I think "research" is uncountable noun.

However, it's a bit short.
Based on my experience, I think it's easier to get a high score if you write a bit longer.
(Around 400-500 words for writing task2)
You can do this by adding your own personal experience into the essay.
For example, " I know this by living in an apartment complex in *insert your city* " or something like that.
I used this strategy in my last TOEFL attempt which I scored 29 in writing.

Hope this help.

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New post 20 Mar 2017, 01:43
iVoRy wrote:
I think the general writing is fine.
Your essay has good structure and your grammar is good.
The only problem I find is "researches" which I think "research" is uncountable noun.

However, it's a bit short.
Based on my experience, I think it's easier to get a high score if you write a bit longer.
(Around 400-500 words for writing task2)
You can do this by adding your own personal experience into the essay.
For example, " I know this by living in an apartment complex in *insert your city* " or something like that.
I used this strategy in my last TOEFL attempt which I scored 29 in writing.

Hope this help.


Thank you for your comments.
For some topics I am often short of ideas this is why I cannot exceed by far 300 words... :| I think that I will invent stuff :)

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 4

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Concentration: Strategy
Schools: Darden '19 (M)
GMAT 1: 700 Q48 V38
GPA: 3.09
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Re: Please rate/comment my writing [#permalink]

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New post 21 Mar 2017, 06:49
chanassss wrote:
iVoRy wrote:
I think the general writing is fine.
Your essay has good structure and your grammar is good.
The only problem I find is "researches" which I think "research" is uncountable noun.

However, it's a bit short.
Based on my experience, I think it's easier to get a high score if you write a bit longer.
(Around 400-500 words for writing task2)
You can do this by adding your own personal experience into the essay.
For example, " I know this by living in an apartment complex in *insert your city* " or something like that.
I used this strategy in my last TOEFL attempt which I scored 29 in writing.

Hope this help.


Thank you for your comments.
For some topics I am often short of ideas this is why I cannot exceed by far 300 words... :| I think that I will invent stuff :)
Yes, you can invent stuff up. Unlike application essays, TOEFL grader won't check the validity of your essay. :-D

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New post 22 Mar 2017, 01:19
Adding imagined experience sounds good. I will try it next time.

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New post 31 Mar 2017, 02:05
But, if you can think of example from your own life, I would prefer to do so. For me at least, when I'm making something up I also have to waste time to think does it make sense (but, yes, it's better than nothing and definitely ads to the word count)

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Re: Please rate/comment my writing   [#permalink] 31 Mar 2017, 02:05
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