Can someone please evaluate my essay? I tried writing an essay for the first time and your honest opinion would be really appreciated
PS. I used some of the strategies mentioned on the forum to draft my essay.
Prompt: The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:
“Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in
the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Essay: The argument claims that the the city of Helios is an industrial center and is expanding its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. Hence, corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there are no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that Helio's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average even in the recent recession. This statement is a stretch since it does not provide substantiating facts in any way. The argument does not present the statistics on the population of Helios and the people unemployed to the total population of the region and the people unemployed within the region. For instance, there is a possibility that although the rate of unemployment in Helios is lower than that of the entire region but the number of people unemployed out of the total population of Helios is greater than that of the entire region. In such a scenario, it will be an over statement to say that Helios should be considered for establishing new business opportunities or new location. The argument would have been much clearer if it explicitly gave details on the number of people unemployed in Helios and in the entire region.
Second, the argument claims that Helios is attempting to expand its economic base and has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. It thus suggests another reason for considering Helios for establishing new business opportunities or considering it as a new business location. The argument does not provide any data on why Helios provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. To illustrate, one reason could be that population of Helios is small as considered to the manufacturing jobs it provides. The argument ignores the possibility that increased business base would result in increased population of Helios which in turn might lead to greater unemployment as demand for jobs would surpass the availability. If the argument had provided details on the impact new business setup would have on the increased population and the unemployment, then the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, the argument concludes that Helios is the best fit when seeking new business opportunities. From this statement, it is again not clear whether Helios provides the right living conditions and opportunities for business to thrive. It fails to consider factors such as clean residential areas, good schools and universities, good weather, and other basic amenities that would attract business to establish new offices there. It also fails to consider the cost of establishing the business and whether it is greater as comparevd to other areas within the region. As a result, this conclusion has no legs to stand on.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.