Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-es

This is my second attempt at GMAT, I got a 4.0 in AWA section the first time . Please review my essay below, Thanks in Advance

Question:
"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."

Discuss how logically persuasive you find the above argument. In presenting your point of view, analyze the sort of reasoning used and supporting evidence. In addition, state what further evidence, if any, would make the argument more sound and convincing or would make you better able to evaluate its conclusion.

Answer:

The argument above states that America is losing its competitive edge to other countries because certain studies show that on average Americans spend one fourth of their leisure time shopping. The argument is flawed because of the following reasons.

First of all, the author fails to define non-essential goods; different people view various goods in a different way, what one may consider to be essential might be considered non-essential by another. Moreover, the author has not included any data that shows the breakdown of the time spent on shopping by American into shopping for essential goods and non-essential goods, for example: time spent on grocery shopping versus time spent on buying shoes(considered non essential).

Secondly, the author seems to have assumed that the Americans spend more time shopping than does citizens of other countries; data on time management trends of other countries is needed to draw appropriate comparisons.

Lastly, the author has not presented any empirical data that suggests that USA is actually losing its competitive edge to other countries. In addition, no other possible reasons are examined for the supposed downfall of United States, such as government incompetency, unfavorable economic environment and depletion of natural resources, and time wastage is the only reason believed to hold true.

In Sum, this is a week argument. To strengthen the conclusion that America is losing its competitive edge because of time being wasted on shopping, the author should include the following. Define non-essential goods, provide information on breakdown of time spent on shopping for essential and non-essential goods, provide comparative data of time management trends of the citizens of other countries and provide empirical data to prove that USA is losing its competitive edge.