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# Please rate my essay - Kudos to the best review

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 13 Dec 2018
Posts: 3

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08 Aug 2019, 10:45
The producers of the forthcoming movie 3003 will be most likely to maximize their profits if they are willing to pay Robin Good several million dollars to star in it - even though that amount is far more than any other person involved in the movie will make. After all, Robin has in the past been paid a similar amount to work in several films that were very financially successful.

The author states that starring an actor, Robin Good, who would charge very high remuneration, would maximize profits of the movie, 3003. To support his argument, the author uses that the financially successful movies, in which the actor was starred with high remuneration, as examples. The argument is flawed for several reasons.
First, the author uses the past instances and assumes that the same would happen in the case of 3003 movie. The author doesn't show any kind of similarity between the past movies of the actor and the movie, 3003. In addition, Starring the actor could not be the only reason for the movies to be financially successful. There could be other reasons, such as genre and content of the movie, which lead to the success of those movies. Stating that the movies are financially successful solely because of the actor is completely baseless. There could be equal or a greater number of financially unsuccessful movies in which robin was paid high remuneration.
Second, the author states that paying more to Robin Good maximizes the profits. The author fails to support this statement. Paying more to a single actor might create a discontent among the other actors. Even though Robin was paid high amount in his past movies which are financially successful, he might not be the only actor who was paid such high remuneration. High budget movies would be able to afford actors with high remuneration which might not be the case with 3003. Spending too much on a single actor does not in any way show maximization of profits.
Finally, the author fails to prove the argument, by assuming that the past instances repeat in the future without any proper analysis and comparison of the movies. The argument would have been stronger if the author had provided comparison between the previous movies of Robin and the current movie, 3003 and the reasons justifying the high payment to Robin in the financially successful movies.
General GMAT Forum Moderator
Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 509
Concentration: General Management, Finance
GMAT 1: 720 Q50 V37

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09 Aug 2019, 10:45
1
1
gmatn00 - I do not want to sound difficult but you need to work on the AWA section. As written, the essay has several errors. On the real GMAT, you would get a score around 4-5. Please make sure to proofread your essay for a minimum of 2 min, to avoid a few easy grammar errors. AWA section is the easiest; do not sweat it out.

That said, my biggest concern with your essay is the word limit. Well, length is not a definitive measure to score high but such a short essay will definitely fetch you a low score. I would recommend you to increase the size of the overall essay. Also, you should choose structural keywords diligently. Therefore, focus on these aspects of the essay to get a higher score. All the best.

Recommendations:
1. Make the paragraphs appear separate rather than look like one big passage.
2. Use structural keywords

Refer chineseburned AWA Template: https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
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In case you find my post helpful, please provide me with kudos. Thank you!

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Senior Manager
Joined: 17 Jul 2018
Posts: 388
Re: Please rate my essay - Kudos to the best review  [#permalink]

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09 Aug 2019, 13:46
1
1
gmatn00 wrote:
The producers of the forthcoming movie 3003 will be most likely to maximize their profits if they are willing to pay Robin Good several million dollars to star in it - even though that amount is far more than any other person involved in the movie will make. After all, Robin has in the past been paid a similar amount to work in several films that were very financially successful.

The author states that starring an actor, Robin Good, who would charge very high remuneration, would maximize profits of the movie, 3003. To support his argument, the author uses that the financially successful movies, in which the actor was starred with high remuneration, as examples. The argument is flawed for several reasons.
First, the author uses the past instances and assumes that the same would happen in the case of 3003 movie. The author doesn't show any kind of similarity between the past movies of the actor and the movie, 3003. In addition, Starring the actor could not be the only reason for the movies to be financially successful. There could be other reasons, such as genre and content of the movie, which lead to the success of those movies. Stating that the movies are financially successful solely because of the actor is completely baseless. There could be equal or a greater number of financially unsuccessful movies in which robin was paid high remuneration.
Second, the author states that paying more to Robin Good maximizes the profits. The author fails to support this statement. Paying more to a single actor might create a discontent among the other actors. Even though Robin was paid high amount in his past movies which are financially successful, he might not be the only actor who was paid such high remuneration. High budget movies would be able to afford actors with high remuneration which might not be the case with 3003. Spending too much on a single actor does not in any way show maximization of profits.
Finally, the author fails to prove the argument, by assuming that the past instances repeat in the future without any proper analysis and comparison of the movies. The argument would have been stronger if the author had provided comparison between the previous movies of Robin and the current movie, 3003 and the reasons justifying the high payment to Robin in the financially successful movies.

God no. NO no no no no, I cannot let you do this to yourself
First para - Rephrasing,
Second - First flaw and example
Third para - Second flaw and example
Fourth para - Third flaw and example
Fifth para - Conclude or summarise with suggestions to improve

I got a 5 in AWA just by following the template and had to cut short the three paras
You can too, just practice two or three essays and tag me I can help you
Senior Manager
Joined: 05 Mar 2017
Posts: 253
Location: India
Concentration: General Management, Marketing
Schools: LBS '22, ISB '20, IE '22
GPA: 3.6
WE: Marketing (Entertainment and Sports)
Re: Please rate my essay - Kudos to the best review  [#permalink]

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16 Aug 2019, 00:13
HEY, I WOULD SUGGEST USING CHINESE BURNED FORMAT. It'll be of great help.
Re: Please rate my essay - Kudos to the best review   [#permalink] 16 Aug 2019, 00:13
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